I have been so grateful to be a part of a bible study this Winter that was hosted by a wise woman in my life. Our church takes a break during the holidays from the regular Tuesday morning bible study but Sheri graciously offered to have an interim study at her house. I hesitated to commit initially because of the busyness of the holidays, us going out of town, etc. But then I felt the Lord prompting my spirit, saying "Really??? You are just THAT busy??" and I took the hint. And I am so glad I did.
When I first read "Anonymous" (by Alicia Britt Chole), I thought to myself that being "hidden" isn't something I struggle with. I would prefer NOT to be in the spot light actually. I tend to be a little insecure at times and would much rather sing backup then be front and center. :) As I often do, I read this book thinking to myself, "Oh my friend ______ TOTALLY needs to hear this part" or "____ really struggles in this area, I should share this with her", not really thinking of ways that it applies to me because these are not MY hidden years. I get credit where credit is due and I am happy with that.
But then I felt the Lord challenging me in the area of my home and my family. In many ways, these are "hidden" years. Emersyn never thanks me for changing her diaper, getting her dressed, feeding her, playing with her. My husband doesn't thank me each day for balancing our home and my job, for cleaning the kitchen, for taking care of his daughter, etc. And sometimes, I get a little resentful to be honest. It's very easy for me to wallow in a pity party for one, thinking to myself how under appreciated I am, how my life is SO much harder then all my friends who get to stay home and not balance work, child care, being a mom and a woman and being in ministry. These are hidden years. And now I need to go back and re-read this book with that perspective in mind.
Which brings me to my New Year's "resolutions", if you will.......
*I want to be a better wife. Too often I view my husband as my equal or even my competitor (but that is okay when we are playing the Wii...just not in life in general!). I need to view him as someone I serve. I am blessed to be married to an amazing man and I don't want to take him for granted. I want to do everything as unto the Lord and that includes being a wife to my husband. I read a GREAT post that really hit home with me. The blogger wrote,
"While the Women's Study major in me has a REALLY hard time with being told that God designed me with the primary responsibility to take care of our home even IF I have a job,
I realized that God knows that struggle I had and last night He gave me the eyes to see my calling as a blessing vs. a battle.
He let me see that giving my husband the time to do what he needed to do to provide for us that I was being his helper vs. his opponent."
I sometimes catch myself thinking that I am exempt from many domestic duties because I work and that when I stay home full time *someday*, well that is when I will get on top of the house. Yes, my plate is full. But I can choose to be more sacrificial with my time and serve my husband and my family. I need to view my life and this season as a "blessing vs. a battle". I don't want to keep score with my husband and grow bitter when I feel like I do more then he does. I want to truly serve him and our family.
I can't choose when my dream of staying home full time will happen any more then a single person can choose when they will get married, a woman can choose to have kids, etc. It is something the Lord is going to have to work out in His time. And I will wait patiently.
*Continue blogging our journey towards getting healthier! (Less is More)
*Be a better friend. I have SO many high quality friends in my life and I need to step it up in that department, be a giver and not just a taker.
*Spend more time in prayer for myself, my family, unsaved people in my life and be still before the Lord, seeking His guidance in my life.
*Develop a budget and stick to it. The Lord is calling us to be better stewards of our money and be faithful in tithing.
*Use my time wisely, which sometimes means turning off the TV or the laptop.
2010 is going to be the best year ever, I can just feel it!