Friday, April 22, 2011
Faith Building Friday - Stagnant
This week in Bible Study I came across a question that stumped me. And funny enough, it reminded me of the last "Fill in the Blank Friday" that I filled out, where I was asked what my *claim to fame* is.
Our study has been talking about ownership versus management and God is essentially our *owner* and we are the managers of the giftings that God has given us. The first question asked me to explain the difference between an owner versus a manager. Easy. The second question said "what type of giftings has God given you?".
I was stumped.
**Disclaimer....this is SO not a fishing for compliments blog post.**
See, I kind of have this fear that since entering the ranks of motherhood, I have become *stagnant* in the development of who I am as a woman, not a wife or mother. I'm not positive that this is the case, it's just something I can kind of sense happening and I'm trying to be proactive about it.
I've written plenty of blog posts about balance and we all know as women in today's society, it's easy to over do it. But I often wonder if I under do it in a sense.
Example: there is a new mom at our bible study table who is struggling with the balance of motherhood and ministry, on top of other transitions that have taken place in her life over the past year. One one hand, a friend of mine (who is a high high *doer* temperament) encouraged her that motherhood is a time to stretch, be challenged, figure out the balance and go for it. Then on the other hand, there is me who feels that motherhood is sometimes a time to *be* and sometimes that means saying no to things for the sake of our children and the place where God has us. The time when our children are little and not in school is SO precious and such a sliver of time in our life story.
I don't think that she is wrong and I am right, nor that she is right and I am wrong. But I think there has to be a middle ground and that's what I'm pondering these days.
Many of my friends expressed concern over losing their identity as a woman when they had their first child. I never felt that concern...I was happy to lose myself in being Emersyn's mother. But now as she has gotten older, I am realizing that the love I have for her, if not guided properly, could turn me into a smothering, overbearing mother who's life revolves around her children and once they are grown and gone, I will be left with nothing. That's not fair to my kids, my husband or myself.
As I came to the question, "what type of giftings has God given you", I was saddened that I couldn't come up with anything quickly. The girls at my table were so sweet as I totally got emotional and expressed my feelings and I do know that I have giftings, I'm just not sure what exactly they are and how I can fine tune them and truly manage them for God's glory and for the benefit of my family.
I had a meeting with my mentor the day after bible study and it was great timing. The gals at my table encouraged me to talk with her about this concern and I'm so glad I did. We wrote out some goals and areas that I can maybe expand on. Anita printed out a list of the gifts that the holy spirit gives us and one of them for example is the gift of encouragement. I feel that I am a positive person and good at encouraging others. However, when my friends become overwhelmed with life, I just don't know what to do or say. I can channel this gifting that God has given me into praying for the right words to say and actions to take. I think that when I get so caught up on ME and MY talents, that's where the failure occurs. I need to be seeking God's will for my abilities, continually asking Him for guidance and listening when He speaks.
I want my children to look back on their childhood and be able to say great things about ME, not just as their mother but as a woman. I want to be an incredible example to Emersyn and Everett of what a Godly wife and mother looks like. Proverbs 31 is something I want to study more, such a great outline for the noble woman. I know that by being involved in ministry and blessing others, I will reap what I sow. I want to be committed to using the talents God has given me both inside and outside of my home.
I am grateful for a God that cares enough about me to continually remind me that I can't do it without Him. Motherhood is an incredible expedition...I just need to remember who holds the map and not try to find my way on my own because my instincts STINK sometimes! :)