Pros of ME being a workin' mama:
*Extra money, or in our case, money to pay our bills. I have never worked so that we could have a lavish lifestyle. It was purely a monetary need. Brett made X amount each month and our monthly obligations equalled more then X, therefore I worked.
*Mommy time. I never feel stressed out like I need more time for me. I never dread going to the grocery store because I can mostly go by myself whenever I want, either on my way too work or my way home from work. I get to interact with adults 4 days a week and I think it makes for good balance.
*Time management. Sometimes I feel like I do a little better when I only have short amounts of time to work with. This could just be because that's all I'm used to. Like in the mornings I usually have a two hour window to work with to either clean, play with E, run an errand, etc.
Cons of ME being a workin' mama:
*Childcare. Oh man, this has been a thorn in my side for the past two years. I am fortunate that my mother-in-law has been able to watch Emersyn for most of her life. But there have been times when we have had disagreements about how Emersyn should be raised, etc. and it make for an awkward relationship. Sometimes these disagreements have resulted in me finding other care for Emersyn until they could be resolved. Free childcare isn't always *free*. :) There have been times when I have arranged for other people to watch E and for the most part, it was great, but ultimately I always have that pit in my stomach, hoping that she's okay. In the last few months I have been SO blessed to have some friends watch her (thank you Brianne, Caitlin, Amancia & Jonette) and I never ever worried when Ems was with them.
*Balance. Even though I have worked, I have still tried to make Emersyn's life a fun one. We go on playdates often and I sometimes find myself a little run down. I don't have enough time to hang out with everyone I would like to AND take care of my home AND invest in my daughter AND invest in myself.
*Guilt. Guilt over not being the one taking care of Emersyn day in and day out. Guilt over doing things for myself on my days off. Guilt over not preparing enough healthy meals and snacks for her. Guilt for having to leave her at other people's homes. Guilt for having to focus on house stuff during the day when Emersyn wants to play and I know our time together is so precious. Guilt over not having time to work out because I put Emersyn and our home first. Guilt over leaving her on a beautiful sunny day, knowing that if she were with me we could go outside and enjoy the weather and each other. Guilt over being slightly unsure of Emersyn's schedule because I'm not the one that enforces it each day. Get the picture? :)
*What if I get bored?? Right now things like laundry and dishes almost feel like I'm playing "house". When I do it day in and day out, will I hate it??
*What if I get really uptight and forget how to relax and constantly find myself cleaning and tidying up behind Emersyn as she plays and totally stifle her?
*What if I get frustrated with her over not getting a *break* from her like I'm used to four days a week now?
*Everyone tells me how angelic Emersyn is....when I'm not around!!! What if being with me MORE makes Emersyn naughtier?!?!
*Is it okay to sit and watch a tv show during the day? Or is that lazy? What's lazy and what's relaxing and what's *enough* in regards to household chores? <--actually regarding the chores aspect, I am going to be making a weekly chore chart kind of thing so that I can check something off a list and feel like I did what I needed to that day.
*I slightly fear that I'm going to feel guilty over not working. Even on my days off now, I always report to Brett everything I did or didn't do that day and I know that's 100% my own guilt. He could care less. But it's not my job to entertain Emersyn 24/7. There will be days when we don't do a whole lot and that's okay. But that's TOTALLY not my style. I am an on the go kinda girl and that role is going to be transitioning.
*Speaking of transitioning, I have always worked during our marriage and when I was at the peak of my real estate career, I often worked from home and had a much higher stress job then Brett. Now Brett often works from home in the evenings and has a higher stress job and I'm finding that it's my role in life to be the supporter, not be the one supported. This too is a transition.....and something I will re-learn. Life's always changing, isn't it??
Okay. I think that's it for now. Thanks for letting me get all that off my chest. Keep in mind, I'm not TRULY worried about anything. I know that as I seek the Lord each day, He will be faithful to guide me and direct my path. I am so thankful for that. At the end of the day, I just want my daughter and husband to be happy and healthy. I'm going to do everything in my power to assure that happens each day. I'll keep ya'all posted....it's sure to be interesting. :)