Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Staying Home Continued....

On Thursday I am headed into the land of the unknown. I'm sure ya'all are sick of me talking about quitting my job but it's really on my mind lately for obvious reasons. It is TOTALLY uncharted territory for me. So today, I'm gonna talk it out.....

Pros of ME being a workin' mama:

*Extra money, or in our case, money to pay our bills. I have never worked so that we could have a lavish lifestyle. It was purely a monetary need. Brett made X amount each month and our monthly obligations equalled more then X, therefore I worked.

*Mommy time. I never feel stressed out like I need more time for me. I never dread going to the grocery store because I can mostly go by myself whenever I want, either on my way too work or my way home from work. I get to interact with adults 4 days a week and I think it makes for good balance.

*Time management. Sometimes I feel like I do a little better when I only have short amounts of time to work with. This could just be because that's all I'm used to. Like in the mornings I usually have a two hour window to work with to either clean, play with E, run an errand, etc.

Cons of ME being a workin' mama:

*Childcare. Oh man, this has been a thorn in my side for the past two years. I am fortunate that my mother-in-law has been able to watch Emersyn for most of her life. But there have been times when we have had disagreements about how Emersyn should be raised, etc. and it make for an awkward relationship. Sometimes these disagreements have resulted in me finding other care for Emersyn until they could be resolved. Free childcare isn't always *free*. :) There have been times when I have arranged for other people to watch E and for the most part, it was great, but ultimately I always have that pit in my stomach, hoping that she's okay. In the last few months I have been SO blessed to have some friends watch her (thank you Brianne, Caitlin, Amancia & Jonette) and I never ever worried when Ems was with them.

*Balance. Even though I have worked, I have still tried to make Emersyn's life a fun one. We go on playdates often and I sometimes find myself a little run down. I don't have enough time to hang out with everyone I would like to AND take care of my home AND invest in my daughter AND invest in myself.

*Guilt. Guilt over not being the one taking care of Emersyn day in and day out. Guilt over doing things for myself on my days off. Guilt over not preparing enough healthy meals and snacks for her. Guilt for having to leave her at other people's homes. Guilt for having to focus on house stuff during the day when Emersyn wants to play and I know our time together is so precious. Guilt over not having time to work out because I put Emersyn and our home first. Guilt over leaving her on a beautiful sunny day, knowing that if she were with me we could go outside and enjoy the weather and each other. Guilt over being slightly unsure of Emersyn's schedule because I'm not the one that enforces it each day. Get the picture? :)

Things I worry think about in regards to staying home FULL time:

*What if I get bored?? Right now things like laundry and dishes almost feel like I'm playing "house". When I do it day in and day out, will I hate it??

*What if I get really uptight and forget how to relax and constantly find myself cleaning and tidying up behind Emersyn as she plays and totally stifle her?

*What if I get frustrated with her over not getting a *break* from her like I'm used to four days a week now?

*Everyone tells me how angelic Emersyn is....when I'm not around!!! What if being with me MORE makes Emersyn naughtier?!?!

*Is it okay to sit and watch a tv show during the day? Or is that lazy? What's lazy and what's relaxing and what's *enough* in regards to household chores? <--actually regarding the chores aspect, I am going to be making a weekly chore chart kind of thing so that I can check something off a list and feel like I did what I needed to that day.

*I slightly fear that I'm going to feel guilty over not working. Even on my days off now, I always report to Brett everything I did or didn't do that day and I know that's 100% my own guilt. He could care less. But it's not my job to entertain Emersyn 24/7. There will be days when we don't do a whole lot and that's okay. But that's TOTALLY not my style. I am an on the go kinda girl and that role is going to be transitioning.

*Speaking of transitioning, I have always worked during our marriage and when I was at the peak of my real estate career, I often worked from home and had a much higher stress job then Brett. Now Brett often works from home in the evenings and has a higher stress job and I'm finding that it's my role in life to be the supporter, not be the one supported. This too is a transition.....and something I will re-learn. Life's always changing, isn't it??

Okay. I think that's it for now. Thanks for letting me get all that off my chest. Keep in mind, I'm not TRULY worried about anything. I know that as I seek the Lord each day, He will be faithful to guide me and direct my path. I am so thankful for that. At the end of the day, I just want my daughter and husband to be happy and healthy. I'm going to do everything in my power to assure that happens each day. I'll keep ya'all posted....it's sure to be interesting. :)


Melissa said...

I'm so excited for you! & i had to laugh at some of your worries...i pictured you literally cleaning RIGHT UP after Emersyn. It was funny. :)

If any mother tells you they don't sit down & watch a show during the day, well...i'd be really surprised. Or at least FB & Blog. It's OKAY.

It's gonna be awesome, girl!! And, if you get bored, i'm sure you'll find something to do! :)

Sherrie said...

Patti-I can relate in some aspects because I considered school (especially when I went to classes on campus) while raising kids a part and full time job. I also worked part time when I had Jaiden.

It is a different transition once you don't have the weekly schedule and ability of being away from your kids and having interaction with adults.

When I only had Jaiden, I did find myself bored quite often and that's why I decided to finish my bachelors. However, once I had Maddie, life became very crazy and has been since.

So just enjoy the time with Ems. You will find your own balance in regards to cleaning and so forth.

I think one thing that is important is to make sure you have time away from home with other mom's. It can get lonely and isolated at home all day unless you feel your day with activities.

When I had only one kid we had weekly activities like one day for the zoo, children's museum, library, park and so forth.

It is hard to be home with kids ALL day long with no break. My house is rarely quiet with three kids..For me being at home all day is giving constant attention, answering cries and questions, enforcing rules, dealing with kids boredom, fighting, constant vigilance from 6 am to 8 at night. So when I turn on the TV at 9 and watch mindless TV to unwind...I don't feel lazy at all!

My dear...you are just entering into another type of job. I am so excited for you! -S

Nicole said...

Ok, all i can say is that I almost could have written this post!! I have had so many similar thoughts over the past week since I just started being a full time SAHM! I totally think the same thing about shows too- am I being lazy? haha! I really like to have the TV on while I do chores, and sometimes I wonder if this is ok? LOL! I think it's just a day at a time thing and you do the best you can. I'm so excited for you. Wishing we lived closer so we could have some SAHM play dates! hehe

Dara Wills said...

It will be an interesting transition, but one to enjoy. I can't wait for you!

Aimee said...

I am very excited for you! The change that is coming up as a SAHM, is an exciting one. :-) There will be times of transition (I have stayed home the whole time Jameson has been around and there are STILL transitions!) but you will get your groove.

Jameson and I have a couple planned activities for the week (library and park, possibly a date with a friend) but for the most part we stay home. My son is a homebody and doesn't do well when I push him. I respect that. He is totally flexible when we need him to be (like when traveling for 20 hours straight!)

We are lucky to have friends in the neighborhood, so we can go knock on doors when he needs to be out and about, but we are close enough to home to get there too.

I admit, I don't watch any tv during the day, and rarely use the computer. Every once in a while he needs to "veg" and I will let him turn on a show and then I can catch up on blog-reading. (like now!)

I don't feel bad, because we already played with his firehouse/police station. Played hide-n-seek, played "camping" and "picnic."

You are probably better at keeping your house cleaner. I prefer to do all that (with the exception of washing/drying laundry) after he goes to bed. Clean the kitchen, fold laundry, etc. Once a week bathrooms and other hard cleaning. He is helpful with that, and enjoys it. I use all baking soda and vinegar so he can use it too. He loves scrubbing baths, windows and mirrors!

You will find your groove. I don't think there is a way to get bored with a 2.5 year old in your midst. Sometimes I go a little crazy when he is in a nutter mood, but we just go outside. I either hope to run into a mom-friend or just let him run off his energy.

Anonymous said...

You are going to be an awesome SAHM! And yes, it's ok to have some "me" time during the day...you need that! Love you friend!