I had some thoughts swirling around in my head and sometimes blogging them out is the best thing to do with those kinds of thoughts. :)
As most of you know, I work away from my home part time. This is something I struggle with at times but most of the time I am fine with it. I am good at telling myself, "for such a time is this" and having a good attitude. Emersyn is a very well rounded child for the most part and I know that when I am at work, she is in very capable hands, whether with her Nana or at a playdate. On Thursdays she gets to have special afternoons with her Daddy and that makes me happy too. I don't have to work until 1pm so our mornings are very fun and often full of activities, playdates, or just some special Mommy/Emersyn time. I don't work so that we can afford a lavish lifestyle. I work so that I can help pay our bills and have affordable health insurance. People have said, "you really should look at your budget and see if you could stay home". It's not as simple as cutting out cable or not eating out as much. My husband is an amazing provider and an extremely hard worker for our family. I feel that he is undercompensated right now but his future is bright with the company he has been with for over two years now. God has really opened the right doors for him at his job and we know with all our hearts that God will bless Brett in his career.
Every once in awhile I get impatient. And a little whiny. And I start feeling sorry for myself. I'm sure that never happens to any of you, right? :)
In my dreams, I never envisioned working while being a mom. Sometimes I express these concerns to the Lord, as if to show Him where He deviated from MY plans and offer Him the opportunity to fix it!
But then I read a story of a family that lost their child to cancer. I hear the Lord whisper to me, "Do you think their dreams included losing their child??".
I see my friends struggle with being single. "Do you think they dreamed of being single at this time in their lives??", He whispers.
I see different friends struggle with infertility. Again, probably not in their dreams either.
All the sudden, my deferred dreams don't seem so tragic or life alterring. (As I re-read this, I don't mean to imply that being single is tragic at ALL, I just know that many of my single friends long to find their husbands and that is a similar dream to mine, a family related dream).
I really should re-read "Anonymous", the book I read last summer. It is all about the "hidden" times in our life, when we feel like the Lord doesn't see or acknowledge how WE would do things differently.
Life is SO much bigger then what we make it sometimes and I believe that God has a purpose in everything. What if I am at my job right now JUST so that I can cultivate a friendship with someone that needs HIM in their lives? What if I am at this job just so that God can have an opportunity to prove His faithfulness and provision in my life, to use as a testimony later to bless someone else? What if, what if? He is the only one that can see ahead into our futures and knows the reason for every season in our lives. No season is more significant then another. I need to be better at trusting Him. I feel like I say that a lot. I need to put that into action though. What does trusting LOOK like for me? Something for me to ponder....
I never ached to be married with all my heart or waited a long time to have a child. Those dreams came true for me relatively easily. The dream of staying home with Emersyn and any future siblings is one that the Lord is requiring me to have some patience with. All I can do is be obedient, look at my husband and daughter and think to myself, "The Lord has been pretty stinkin' good to me so far......I think He has earned my trust".
What dreams are you waiting to see come true? What dreams have you had that you have HAD come true? I would love to hear some great testimony's ladies!!