I've had a couple rough days this week just really missing my Gigi. It's hard for me to wrap my mind around never seeing her again (this side of heaven). There is no amount of money that I can ever save up for to get to see her. There is no amount of time that I can ever wait to see her. It's just hard. I really feel for my mom who is reminded far more often then I am of her absence since Gigi lived there before she passed away. It's a good reminder to pray for her often though and be a supportive daughter.
I often feel remorseful that I didn't call my grandma enough, I didn't write her enough emails, etc. But I know those are not logical thoughts. My Gigi knew I loved her and I need to just cling to that. I didn't expect to have as tough of a time as I am having and frankly I don't like to talk about it. I tend to be a little guarded with these emotions, especially within my family. If I want to talk about it, I want it to be on my own terms and it to be something I bring up. I tend to be a little short if anyone asks how I'm doing with it (sorry mom).
I'm a little emotional overall this week. I'm feeling a little fried because of our one car situation. I don't feel like I have enough time in life to be both a good wife, mom and friend. I have guilt issues over being a "taker" in life right now. It's not easy for me to be on the receiving end in life but I think the Lord has me here so that I can better support my friends in the future when they need me. I'm so grateful to my friends who have stepped up and helped me during this season of my life, whether it be through watching my daughter, making me dinner or just understanding that I'm having trouble achieving a good balance and loving me despite my flaws and lack of time to hang out.
I've been short with my husband lately and really need to work on my tone. I get impatient quickly and know that my attitude problem could easily be remedied by spending time in God's word. The fruits of the spirit are love, joy, peace, PATIENCE, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. Thank you Missionettes for helping me remember that verse throughout my entire life. :)
This is a whiny post and I apologize but it's how I'm feeling and writing it out helps me work through it. I know that an end is in sight to balancing work and home and I can't express how grateful I am for God's faithfulness in my life. I also know that I talk about this incessantly but again, it's on my mind and this is MY blog. :) :)
I'm looking forward to a weekend at home. Please pray for an amazing deal on a car to come our way and for wisdom. And while you're at it, you can pray for my husband too. He needs all the prayer he can get, his wife gets cranky all too often. ;)