Friday, November 12, 2010


I've had a couple rough days this week just really missing my Gigi. It's hard for me to wrap my mind around never seeing her again (this side of heaven). There is no amount of money that I can ever save up for to get to see her. There is no amount of time that I can ever wait to see her. It's just hard. I really feel for my mom who is reminded far more often then I am of her absence since Gigi lived there before she passed away. It's a good reminder to pray for her often though and be a supportive daughter.

I often feel remorseful that I didn't call my grandma enough, I didn't write her enough emails, etc. But I know those are not logical thoughts. My Gigi knew I loved her and I need to just cling to that. I didn't expect to have as tough of a time as I am having and frankly I don't like to talk about it. I tend to be a little guarded with these emotions, especially within my family. If I want to talk about it, I want it to be on my own terms and it to be something I bring up. I tend to be a little short if anyone asks how I'm doing with it (sorry mom).

I'm a little emotional overall this week. I'm feeling a little fried because of our one car situation. I don't feel like I have enough time in life to be both a good wife, mom and friend. I have guilt issues over being a "taker" in life right now. It's not easy for me to be on the receiving end in life but I think the Lord has me here so that I can better support my friends in the future when they need me. I'm so grateful to my friends who have stepped up and helped me during this season of my life, whether it be through watching my daughter, making me dinner or just understanding that I'm having trouble achieving a good balance and loving me despite my flaws and lack of time to hang out.

I've been short with my husband lately and really need to work on my tone. I get impatient quickly and know that my attitude problem could easily be remedied by spending time in God's word. The fruits of the spirit are love, joy, peace, PATIENCE, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. Thank you Missionettes for helping me remember that verse throughout my entire life. :)

This is a whiny post and I apologize but it's how I'm feeling and writing it out helps me work through it. I know that an end is in sight to balancing work and home and I can't express how grateful I am for God's faithfulness in my life. I also know that I talk about this incessantly but again, it's on my mind and this is MY blog. :) :)

I'm looking forward to a weekend at home. Please pray for an amazing deal on a car to come our way and for wisdom. And while you're at it, you can pray for my husband too. He needs all the prayer he can get, his wife gets cranky all too often. ;)


Melissa said...

i'm so sorry, patti. you can whine here all ya want to. And really, i don't see it as whining. You have valid reasons for feeling the way you do. I'll be praying for you and your mom to have strength & comfort times 1000 everytime you are missing your Gigi (which i know is all the time). I'll also be praying for a fantastic car deal AND SOON!


Anonymous said...

I LOVE YOU FRIEND!!!!!!!!!!! Remeber I'm here for you if you need to vent. Just because I had a baby doesn't mean I can't listen :) Praying for you all today.

OurLittleBlessingS said...

awww (hugs). i'll be thinking/praying for you. thank you for your sweet comment on my post earlier this week. i, too, have been a very cranky wife. spending some quality time with my hubby this weekend, that's for sure. sorry you're having a rough time with your Gigi's passing. hope you have a good weekend.

Mandy said...

As always, your honesty blesses me. The family of Christ is here to love, support, encourage and edify. One way we do that is by being honest with our struggles and too many of us are not. By opening our hearts (& our vulnerabilities) to those around us, we grow closer to what the church was created and intentioned to be and thus we bless each other, and the heart of God, I believe.
May your weekend of downtime be a time of immense quality and rejuvenation. I am hoping for the same for us!
Big hugs to you, my dear, e-friend!!! :-D
Oh, yeah, by the way, praying for that GREAT deal on the car. Way to hold out for the best. And if worse comes to worse, we have always enjoyed working with Forest Grove Auto Brokers. Travis, I believe, is the name of the guy we've worked with TWICE and have not been disappointed. A little older than us, cowboyish with spikey blond hair.

sister sheri said...

Love to you, my dear one!

Thank you for your transparency and for allowing the Lord to use you whether you are happy... you are tired... you are whiny... You are the real deal.

Praying for you and hubby, too!

Momma Hunt said...

I can sympathize, I have been struggling with being a good wife and person. I have been dealng with all my stuff lately and it makes it hard to be sypathetic and caring to another person and I know tha ti snot what a good person should do. Hang in there