Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Marriage Advice

My brother is getting married on Friday. 95% of me is ecstatic for him, the other 5% does realize that things will never quite be the same between us. David really struggled when I got married. He was a Junior in High School and in his eyes, his older friend Brett had come in and stolen his big sister. It didn't go over well initially but as David grew up, him and Brett became as close as real life brothers and the three of us have shared many a fun memory. I am excited to add his fiance Jenny to these memories from this moment on. (Wink wink Jenny, hee hee).

I feel like I should have some wise older sisterly marriage advice to give them but in so many ways, I STILL feel like I am figuring marriage out even after SEVEN years!

So, while I gather MY thoughts I thought I would ask you, bloggy friends, for any marriage advice that YOU have found to be tried and true over the past however many years that you have been married. I will compile any responses I get into one big post (hopefully it's big if enough of you respond) and perhaps print it off for the future Mr. & Mrs. David Green. Should be interesting. :) If you want to leave anonymous/private advice, feel free to email me at and I will pass the advice on your behalf anonymously. :)

Should be kinda fun! Thanks for playing along, even if it is just a word or two. It's fun to hear everyones little pearls of wisdom in life, after all, isn't that what community is for? :)


Jules said...

We have been married for 27 years and have found a couple key things to keep our marriage strong. The biggest is communication. Men and women think so differently that we have to have many conversations on what is going on in our heads and why we think the way we do. This helps from hurting each other's feelings. The other is marriage is give and take, life is no longer just about you. Good luck and congratulations!

Mandy said...

You don't know me, but I lurk here sometimes from the Marteney Love blog. Anyway, I wanted to comment on your post today for your dear brother.

My marriage advice is something my husband taught me early on in our marriage, and a concept I am still trying to fully grasp. And that is that love is a CHOICE. We don't fall in or out of love with someone. We must make the conscious effort daily (sometimes more frequently than that) to love that person that we have commited our life to. Things WILL change, change is inevitable but choices are in our control.

Then there is the advice my MIL gave me . . . Fight Naked. It's hard to stay mad at each other when you're facing each other down in your birthday suits. :) (I can honestly say, I have yet to put this particular piece of advice to good use. But it always gets a laugh.)

Anonymous said...

I put this on facebook, but I think that you meant for it to go here..... So, here is what I wrote...

Pray together daily and start your morning off in the Word together daily - It's such a blessing! Also, never go to bed without dealing with a problem. And one more little bit of advice... Never withhold sex as a punishment... Those are my little random bits of "wisdom"... ;)

Britt Clarkson :)

Anonymous said...

Oh and one more thing, always remember, you are on the same team. She's/He's not out to get you. Don't be quick to take offense, ask for her/him to repeat him/herself in a different way - I can't even tell you how often it clarifies what was said and takes out the offense that derived from miscommunication. Praying for a wonderful wedding day and start to your lives together!!

Britt Clarkson... again.... :)

Aimee said...

I agree with the advice listed above.
I also want to say take a moment to breathe during the ceremony, reception, etc and REALLY take it all in. It goes fast and those memories last a lifetime.

Also, while this goes against some beliefs. Its OK to go to bed angry, occasionally. My husband knows I love him and I know he loves me. Sometimes we both need to stew a little. We get a good night's sleep and either are clear-headed enough to figure it out, or we can laugh about it. Either way its a better solution. If the worst should happen in the middle of the night and one of us DIES without apologizing, we will both know that we were loved beyond belief, and occasionally had a disagreement.

Love your spouse where they are at, where ever that may be. Never stop talking to each other, little stuff and big stuff. Never stop laughing or having fun. I really think that is a key thing to remember, and I know its gotten my husband and I through some difficult situations.

Think of each others' families as your own. There is no "in-law" in my vocabulary, (although I use it occasionally for clarification's sake).

Congratulations to David and Jenny! Enjoy your new sister, Patti!

Jennifer said...

The best advice we got was to ignore the "Don't go to bed angry" advice. Let me tell you, at 10 pm, I'm tired and my emotions are all over the place. Staying up until things are worked out can actually make things worse. Our problems never seem as big in the morning after a good night's rest.

Julia said...

I also posted on FB but I thought of a couple other things :) I agree with the others who said communication is super important. I'm still shocked when I think I could not have been more clear about something and he has no idea what I meant. Also--try your hardest to go to bed at the same time as each other. Such a great time to catch up and to regain the intimacy that can be lost by running in different directions all day.
Also, remember that marriage is not 50/50. It is 100/100. If you start playing the "what did he do for me?" game or thinking that you are putting more into the relationship than he is, you are going to cause big problems. In marriage, you have to give 100% no matter how much you think your spouse is giving! That is the only way it works.
Lastly, keep some things private. Have inside jokes, nicknames and things that you agree not to talk to friends about. This creates a sense of intimacy that bonds you together, creating a mentality of being on the same team, which really helps to live out what it means to cleave to one another.
Congrats to them and to you, Patti, for your new sister! :)