Today I dropped Emersyn off at her Nana's for the last time because I HAVE to. The next time I drop her off it will be to go on a date with Brett, or to run some errands, or to do some real estate related work that I enjoy, or etc......surreal.
Today as I drove away from Nana's house, I recounted the many days of me crying the entire way to work as I left my precious girl with someone.
Today as I drove away I thought of all the nights that I would get home from work and just hold my baby and cry because I missed her so much and struggled with leaving her. Did she know I was her mother, not just her caregiver?? Were we bonded the way we were supposed to be?
Today I think about all the things that I say I never have time for, like working out, laundry, bible study, and more and think, will I NOW finally have the time?? What if I fail?? What if working was a crutch and now that I'm not working and have no excuse, I STILL don't find time to workout, do laundry, etc. I will though. I know myself and I know that I can be driven when I want to be.
Today I think about how every single night when I pray with Emersyn how I would ask for Daddy to get a promotion so that Mommy could stay home with her baby and God answered my prayers.
Today I think about how my heart literally ached every time I drove by a park on a sunny day on my way to work and saw all the moms with their kids, appearing to have no schedule, no where to be at any certain time and I was so envious.
Today I think about how sick in my stomach I would get when a friend would announce that she was able to quit her job and stay home with her child(ren). Not that I was bitter, I am always truly happy for anyone that can stay home full time, but anytime I heard such news it pretty much always ruined my day.
Today I am so thankful for this incredible job that I have had over the last three years. I work with wonderful people and The Standard is the best employer I could ever recommend. Working away from Emersyn was hard, yes, but at least I had such a great place to be while I was gone from her.
Today I am thankful for the endless miracles that God has performed in my life. My marriage, my daughter, our home...all stories of God's provision and mercy.
Today I am thankful to have been a working mom for some of Emersyn's life. I have an appreciation for working women that is only obtained by being one. I'm thankful for the several counselling sessions that I participated in so that I could get a better perspective on working and balancing motherhood. Redefining my expectations in life has been the key to my happiness and peace.
Today I am thankful for the friends that have supported me as a working mama by watching Emersyn, making me dinners and listening to me vent my frustrations. And for my friends that are still workin' mama's, you have my word that I will lift up those same prayers to the Lord that I used to pray for myself. God is good.
Today I am thankful for peace and trust in God's plan. Several months before Brett got promoted, I had told the Lord that I truly accepted His plan for my life and if working part time was going to be my *thing* , I was happy and content. It could always be worse. My daughter is healthy and happy. There's nothing that can take away the joy that comes from knowing that. Not working, not financial problems, nothing.
Today is an exciting day. I can only imagine what tomorrow brings. :)
