Wordless Wednesdays- Naughty and she knows it!

(She just loves to tear apart the entire kitchen while I am trying to clean it. I loved her face in this picture.....)

Speaking of transparency.... :)

I consider myself to be a pretty positive person. I truly find joy in the little things in life and count myself as incredibly blessed.

However.

Today I am having a blah day.

Ever have those? I am not one to dwell on negative things, especially on my blog, but in the spirit of transparency I thought I might share what was on my heart.

Having a sick daughter has really been draining. Not to sound selfish but as a mother, it is so hard to hear your baby girl coughing through the monitor and realize that there isn't anything I can do to help her. She is definitely on the mend but because she has been sick, I have been homebound on my days off and missing my church family on Sundays and Tuesdays. Emersyn misses her friends too, I can tell. So anyways, that kind of put a damper to the start of my week. (Okay, after writing this whole post I re-read this I totally thought of mothers out there with terminally ill children and felt sick for being so selfish but again, trying to be transparent and this is/was how I am feeling. Thank you Lord that the extent of Emersyn's sickness is just a cold though.)

I got a call from my husband yesterday and to keep a loooong story short, it's not looking like he will be getting a promotion as soon as I thought he might. I had my hopes set really high that a promotion for him was right around the corner which would mean I could stay home with Emersyn, etc. That kind of bummed me out.

I had a conversation with someone close to me yesterday that resulted in me writing an email that I didn't want to write but felt I needed to in order to set some boundaries. (How's that for vague? Ha...that's all that needs to be said about that matter though.) That kind of bummed me out.

I was doing so good with working out and not letting the circumstances of life discourage me from putting my health first and I feel like I am just lacking energy and motivation. (I'm still eating good though).

Sometimes I feel like the Lord wants to remind me that His grace is sufficient for me. I think that I get caught up in my own little world and I think that often times my joy is contingent on things going my way. I have been hoping/expecting for Brett to get promoted any day due to a series of events that seemed to point in that direction. It could still happen at anytime but yesterday's call seemed like more of a step back then a step forward. My husband is a hard worker and sometimes I feel like hard workers get taken advantage of. *Side note: Brett is SO blessed to have a wonderful job and I truly truly am so grateful for it.

I often try to encourage my friends that are longing for husbands or babies in a wise manner that God's timing is truly the best. I am not so good at following my own advice sometimes. The Lord wants me to slow down sometimes and readjust my focus. I need to continually be going to Him as my first AND last resort. Sometimes I feel like when life is going great I will occasionally check in with the Lord, give Him a high five and say "thanks for all the blessings...I'll let you know when I need ya". I love the Lord with all my heart and I get choked up just beginning to think of all the blessings that I do have. But sometimes I need to be better at trusting.

My sweet little naughty toddler is a constant reminder of the Lord's love for me. We start out most of our mornings with oatmeal that I lovingly make from scratch microwave for 30 seconds. When we come downstairs I set Emersyn down and tell her that I am going to make her oatmeal. 99% of the time she starts to whine and claw at my legs. "Emersyn, I making your oatmeal as fast as I can" I tell her. Then comes the alligator tears. I pick her up, kiss her on the cheek and show her the oatmeal that is in the microwave cooking. "See honey, it's almost done....trust Mama". I set Emersyn down, take out the microwaved oatmeal and head towards the freezer for some frozen blueberries. Meanwhile, Emersyn starts panicking, reaching up to the counters for her boiling hot oatmeal that still needs a minute or two to cook. "Emersyn, it's not ready yet....almost though". Then I stir it up and again, Emersyn is going nuts, reaching for the oatmeal. "Emersyn, let Mama add some blueberries first.....it will make it taste yummier and then it won't burn your little mouth, just be patient....". This whole process literally takes like three minutes. It might even go quicker if not for the little monkey clawing at my legs.

Sometimes I feel like Emersyn and her oatmeal with the Lord. I so badly want things NOW. I often will show Emersyn the packet of raw oatmeal and ask if she wants to just eat it like it is. It is quicker and frankly, much less work for me! She probably would say yes because she doesn't know any better but that is why she has me. Because I know that oatmeal that is cooked and prepared is so much better then raw uncooked oatmeal and thus, worth the wait.

I bet our years seems like minutes to the Lord. He can see the future and He knows how good the "oatmeal" He is preparing for us is going to be. It's going to taste delicious and be satisfying. Just like Emersyn needs to trust me, I need to trust Him. And you know what? I SO should. Just like I have proven to Emersyn for the last 18 months that I indeed WILL feed her breakfast if she just gives me a chance, the Lord has proven to me over the last 29 years that He WILL provide for my needs beyond my wildest dreams or expectations if I will just let Him.

Lord, I'm sorry for whining and not letting you finish making my oatmeal sometimes. Help me be patient and trust you, no matter what the circumstances are or when things seemingly aren't going my way. I don't want raw uncoooked oatmeal in my life. I want it to be cooked to perfection. And I'm even willing to wait for you to add the blueberries too. :)

Thanks for letting me share friends. Do you ever get impatient for oatmeal? Ha ha, you know what I mean...... ;)

Blog Button

Okay, I am SO not tech savvy. My lovely blog design was done by a bloggy friend who is far more talented then I. I am itchin' for a new look but am intimidated to try to figure it out on my own.

I was inspired, however, by ANOTHER blog friend (Melissa) who said that making a blog button was pretty simple. Check out her post here!

I decided to try it. I was sitting next to my husband on our couch with the laptop and I heard him chuckle as I told him what I was about to attempt. He knows that for one, I am not tech savvy. And for two, I am not patient which is something you kind of need to be with attempting new things. But if you look to the right of my page, you will see it was a success!! This is one of my favorite all time pictures of Emersyn and I think it embodies her personality perfectly. :)

Thanks for passing on the simple tips and link to instructions Melissa!

Perhaps one of these days I will venture into changing my blog look.....we'll see.

The Blessing of Transparency

Last weekend I went to the Heathman Lodge in Vancouver, WA (about 35 minutes from my house) for our church's women's retreat. I was really excited to getaway and have some time to refocus! My roomie ended up getting sick and had to back out at the last minute. I was okay with that, I told the Lord that if He wanted me to Himself that weekend, that was fine with me. Instead though, He arranged for another friend to stay in my room with me and it was wonderful!

The theme of the week was renewing and renovating ourselves. Our Pastor's wife was the speaker and I totally dig her style; I very much an engaged the entire time she speaks and that says a lot for a normally pretty easily distractible kind of girl. :)

As Linda, our speaker, shared her heart I was so moved by her transparency. She shared a testimony of God's faithfulness in her family's life and like most testimony's, it started with a tragedy of sorts. Not a death or anything, but just a series of events that that turned her world upside down. As I sat there, with tears streaming down my face, I was so challenged. I leaned over to my friend and whispered, "we are all just a bunch of fakers". It's so true sometimes. I feel like so often we as women pretend to have it all together, pretend that our marriages are perfect, our children are obedient, and that we have everything under control.

This past summer, I feel like I went through a series of events in my own life (blogged about here and here) that left me so stripped that transparency was inevitable. And for those events, I am grateful. As painful as it was, it was so worth it. I am a better person for it. I got to a place in my life where I had been so rejected by others that I decided that I just didn't care anymore about what they thought. I had this precious baby girl and an amazing husband. That was enough for me. Just before and during much of my pregnancy, I feel like I became a little secluded, a little anti-social and really let my insecurities take over. After going through a refining time this summer, I decided to step out and really stop letting the devil hold me back from living up to my full potential. I think I always thought in my mind that *someday* when I lose weight, THEN I will be more involved and have more friends and people will like me more. Or someday when Brett doesn't work weekends and we have a more *normal* life. I decided to start investing in friendships that were mutually beneficial, surround myself with women who aspired to be great wives and mothers and loved the Lord. I also decided that 2010 was the year that I was FINALLY going to get healthy. I really felt on my heart that I needed to be transparent in this issue so I started a blog about it! It has been SO freeing for me, I can't even tell you. I have had so many people encourage me and even say that I inspired them to start working out or getting healthier which is CRAZY to hear.

As our Pastor's wife wept and shared her heart, I was filled with so much admiration for her. The more I learned about her faults and failures, the more I related to her and felt like I could learn SO much from her. Another good friend of mine shared this weekend as well and it was the same thing when she spoke; I was filled with so much admiration and respect. I think sometimes that we feel that if we get too *real* in life, people are going to judge us, think less of us, etc. Well, some people probably are. TOO BAD FOR THEM! I have found transparency to be freeing; fakin' your way through life is exhausting in my opinion.

I believe that us women need to be here for each other and stop judging each other. Instead of being quick to judge and gossip we need to pray for each other, offer support and spur each other on towards becoming better women.

Can't wait for next year's retreat! :)

P I C K Y

My darling 18 month old Emersyn has decided to enter the rankings of picky toddler eaters! I am in such a rut with her. Last night I decided to mix things up a bit and made her a grilled cheese, don't think she has ever had one before. I know she doesn't like cheese but I thought it might be different if I melted it. She was totally disgusted with it and picked off all the cheese on the edges and dropped them onto the floor. Meanwhile, her starving and dieting mama was drooling nearby. What I wouldn't give for a grilled cheese!! :)

Emersyn's favorite food by far is almond butter and jelly sandwiches. She will eat those right up, no problem. She likes mac and cheese; I make the organic Trader Joe's or Annie's brand and toss some peas into it. She used to eat the peas right up but lately she has started picking just the pasta out. She LOVES mandarin oranges, pomegranate (her FAVORITE), Trader Joe organic spaghetti o's, spaghetti, avocado, beans, bagels, yogurt, waffles, pretzels, kids Clif bars, applesauce, bananas (sometimes).....no real green veggies except for peas (sometimes) and zucchini (when she's is the mood).

I just don't feel like she has a good variety. We are really adamant about not feeding her anything breaded. I am more willing to try different things but Brett really wants her to eat as whole as possible, which I definitely think is a great goal. Sometimes I just wish I had more things to offer her, especially more things that she can feed herself which might sound selfish but when she can feed herself, it buys me SO much time. She won't eat cheese, period. Such a bummer. She doesn't like chicken unless it is disguised in a bite with pasta. I did feed her some steak last night and she did like that. She didn't like scrambled eggs the last time that I fed them to her but that was awhile ago, I should try again. She doesn't like lunch meat. I have made her veggie corn dogs and she didn't love those either, nor did she like the soy hot dogs.

Any ideas mamas? :) This isn't something I am *worried* about, just looking for more variety for my baby girl.

She is on the mend from her cold but has developed a dry cough, which is just heart breaking over the baby monitor. Hopefully she's feeling better this weekend. :)

Wordless Wednesday- April 2009

Round TWO

Ugh. Emersyn is now going through round two of an awful cold. I hate it when she is sick, it is the most helpless feeling as a mama. It seems like MOST people I know are either sick or have sick kids so I guess it was inevitable, despite my best efforts to try to protect her from as many germs as possible.

Oy.

I am sick too and am feeling sooooo tired. But not for the same reason that my friend LeAnna is tired. Or my friend Rachelle. I am tired because Emersyn has woken up at 5am for the last two days. Yesterday she wouldn't go back down. Today she did but I was so stressed about her getting up so early that I had trouble falling back asleep. I am staying home from work today and looking forward to nap time. I too plan on snoozin'.

I went with my future sister-in-law and her twin sister and mom to try on wedding dresses. I LOVE the one that she picked, she is going to look stunning in it and I am so excited for their big day in May. It will be here before we know it.

I had such a great time at the women's retreat this weekend. More on that later. My brain is too fried to discuss anything significant at this time. :)

Happy Monday!