Speaking of transparency.... :)

I consider myself to be a pretty positive person. I truly find joy in the little things in life and count myself as incredibly blessed.

However.

Today I am having a blah day.

Ever have those? I am not one to dwell on negative things, especially on my blog, but in the spirit of transparency I thought I might share what was on my heart.

Having a sick daughter has really been draining. Not to sound selfish but as a mother, it is so hard to hear your baby girl coughing through the monitor and realize that there isn't anything I can do to help her. She is definitely on the mend but because she has been sick, I have been homebound on my days off and missing my church family on Sundays and Tuesdays. Emersyn misses her friends too, I can tell. So anyways, that kind of put a damper to the start of my week. (Okay, after writing this whole post I re-read this I totally thought of mothers out there with terminally ill children and felt sick for being so selfish but again, trying to be transparent and this is/was how I am feeling. Thank you Lord that the extent of Emersyn's sickness is just a cold though.)

I got a call from my husband yesterday and to keep a loooong story short, it's not looking like he will be getting a promotion as soon as I thought he might. I had my hopes set really high that a promotion for him was right around the corner which would mean I could stay home with Emersyn, etc. That kind of bummed me out.

I had a conversation with someone close to me yesterday that resulted in me writing an email that I didn't want to write but felt I needed to in order to set some boundaries. (How's that for vague? Ha...that's all that needs to be said about that matter though.) That kind of bummed me out.

I was doing so good with working out and not letting the circumstances of life discourage me from putting my health first and I feel like I am just lacking energy and motivation. (I'm still eating good though).

Sometimes I feel like the Lord wants to remind me that His grace is sufficient for me. I think that I get caught up in my own little world and I think that often times my joy is contingent on things going my way. I have been hoping/expecting for Brett to get promoted any day due to a series of events that seemed to point in that direction. It could still happen at anytime but yesterday's call seemed like more of a step back then a step forward. My husband is a hard worker and sometimes I feel like hard workers get taken advantage of. *Side note: Brett is SO blessed to have a wonderful job and I truly truly am so grateful for it.

I often try to encourage my friends that are longing for husbands or babies in a wise manner that God's timing is truly the best. I am not so good at following my own advice sometimes. The Lord wants me to slow down sometimes and readjust my focus. I need to continually be going to Him as my first AND last resort. Sometimes I feel like when life is going great I will occasionally check in with the Lord, give Him a high five and say "thanks for all the blessings...I'll let you know when I need ya". I love the Lord with all my heart and I get choked up just beginning to think of all the blessings that I do have. But sometimes I need to be better at trusting.

My sweet little naughty toddler is a constant reminder of the Lord's love for me. We start out most of our mornings with oatmeal that I lovingly make from scratch microwave for 30 seconds. When we come downstairs I set Emersyn down and tell her that I am going to make her oatmeal. 99% of the time she starts to whine and claw at my legs. "Emersyn, I making your oatmeal as fast as I can" I tell her. Then comes the alligator tears. I pick her up, kiss her on the cheek and show her the oatmeal that is in the microwave cooking. "See honey, it's almost done....trust Mama". I set Emersyn down, take out the microwaved oatmeal and head towards the freezer for some frozen blueberries. Meanwhile, Emersyn starts panicking, reaching up to the counters for her boiling hot oatmeal that still needs a minute or two to cook. "Emersyn, it's not ready yet....almost though". Then I stir it up and again, Emersyn is going nuts, reaching for the oatmeal. "Emersyn, let Mama add some blueberries first.....it will make it taste yummier and then it won't burn your little mouth, just be patient....". This whole process literally takes like three minutes. It might even go quicker if not for the little monkey clawing at my legs.

Sometimes I feel like Emersyn and her oatmeal with the Lord. I so badly want things NOW. I often will show Emersyn the packet of raw oatmeal and ask if she wants to just eat it like it is. It is quicker and frankly, much less work for me! She probably would say yes because she doesn't know any better but that is why she has me. Because I know that oatmeal that is cooked and prepared is so much better then raw uncooked oatmeal and thus, worth the wait.

I bet our years seems like minutes to the Lord. He can see the future and He knows how good the "oatmeal" He is preparing for us is going to be. It's going to taste delicious and be satisfying. Just like Emersyn needs to trust me, I need to trust Him. And you know what? I SO should. Just like I have proven to Emersyn for the last 18 months that I indeed WILL feed her breakfast if she just gives me a chance, the Lord has proven to me over the last 29 years that He WILL provide for my needs beyond my wildest dreams or expectations if I will just let Him.

Lord, I'm sorry for whining and not letting you finish making my oatmeal sometimes. Help me be patient and trust you, no matter what the circumstances are or when things seemingly aren't going my way. I don't want raw uncoooked oatmeal in my life. I want it to be cooked to perfection. And I'm even willing to wait for you to add the blueberries too. :)

Thanks for letting me share friends. Do you ever get impatient for oatmeal? Ha ha, you know what I mean...... ;)