Faith Building Friday - Stagnant

This week in Bible Study I came across a question that stumped me. And funny enough, it reminded me of the last "Fill in the Blank Friday" that I filled out, where I was asked what my *claim to fame* is.

Our study has been talking about ownership versus management and God is essentially our *owner* and we are the managers of the giftings that God has given us. The first question asked me to explain the difference between an owner versus a manager. Easy. The second question said "what type of giftings has God given you?".

I was stumped.

**Disclaimer....this is SO not a fishing for compliments blog post.**

See, I kind of have this fear that since entering the ranks of motherhood, I have become *stagnant* in the development of who I am as a woman, not a wife or mother. I'm not positive that this is the case, it's just something I can kind of sense happening and I'm trying to be proactive about it.

I've written plenty of blog posts about balance and we all know as women in today's society, it's easy to over do it. But I often wonder if I under do it in a sense.

Example: there is a new mom at our bible study table who is struggling with the balance of motherhood and ministry, on top of other transitions that have taken place in her life over the past year. One one hand, a friend of mine (who is a high high *doer* temperament) encouraged her that motherhood is a time to stretch, be challenged, figure out the balance and go for it. Then on the other hand, there is me who feels that motherhood is sometimes a time to *be* and sometimes that means saying no to things for the sake of our children and the place where God has us. The time when our children are little and not in school is SO precious and such a sliver of time in our life story.

I don't think that she is wrong and I am right, nor that she is right and I am wrong. But I think there has to be a middle ground and that's what I'm pondering these days.

Many of my friends expressed concern over losing their identity as a woman when they had their first child. I never felt that concern...I was happy to lose myself in being Emersyn's mother. But now as she has gotten older, I am realizing that the love I have for her, if not guided properly, could turn me into a smothering, overbearing mother who's life revolves around her children and once they are grown and gone, I will be left with nothing. That's not fair to my kids, my husband or myself.

As I came to the question, "what type of giftings has God given you", I was saddened that I couldn't come up with anything quickly. The girls at my table were so sweet as I totally got emotional and expressed my feelings and I do know that I have giftings, I'm just not sure what exactly they are and how I can fine tune them and truly manage them for God's glory and for the benefit of my family.

I had a meeting with my mentor the day after bible study and it was great timing. The gals at my table encouraged me to talk with her about this concern and I'm so glad I did. We wrote out some goals and areas that I can maybe expand on. Anita printed out a list of the gifts that the holy spirit gives us and one of them for example is the gift of encouragement. I feel that I am a positive person and good at encouraging others. However, when my friends become overwhelmed with life, I just don't know what to do or say. I can channel this gifting that God has given me into praying for the right words to say and actions to take. I think that when I get so caught up on ME and MY talents, that's where the failure occurs. I need to be seeking God's will for my abilities, continually asking Him for guidance and listening when He speaks.

I want my children to look back on their childhood and be able to say great things about ME, not just as their mother but as a woman. I want to be an incredible example to Emersyn and Everett of what a Godly wife and mother looks like. Proverbs 31 is something I want to study more, such a great outline for the noble woman. I know that by being involved in ministry and blessing others, I will reap what I sow. I want to be committed to using the talents God has given me both inside and outside of my home.

I am grateful for a God that cares enough about me to continually remind me that I can't do it without Him. Motherhood is an incredible expedition...I just need to remember who holds the map and not try to find my way on my own because my instincts STINK sometimes! :)

Mighty to Save

"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17

I saw this verse on a friends' blog today and was moved by it. Hillsongs, "Mighty to Save" is one of my absolute favorite worship song and moves me to tears every time I sing it. I have been saved, not just in the "I asked Jesus to come into my heart when I was kid" saved, but truly saved....from myself! The path I started down as an adult was not a righteous one but my God was mighty to save. I love how encouraging this verse is. I suspect it will become my next memory verse. How can anyone be discouraged after reading that verse???

This verse is timely for me today however. Emersyn is home with me; I called in sick. She seems to have a sinus infection, or at least that is what I think it is after talking it over with some other moms. It is draining as a mama to see your baby so unhappy and uncomfortable. I am taking her into the Dr. this evening and hoping they can give her something to make her better.

I also got a call today from my mom saying that my grandma's cat scan results did not come back positive. My sweet Grandma Gigi has lung cancer and apparently it is an aggressive form. It is spreading and the Dr's gave her less then a year to live. They even mentioned the word *hospice* which makes me shudder just typing it out. Growing old and dying is a very real part of life and the practical side of me says that everyone will die someday and you just have to hope that you lived your life well and hope that you had the opportunity to grow old. The emotional side of me remembers all the fun memories with my Gigi and my heart aches because my daughter won't know her as she grows up, nor will any of her siblings meet her. I have never had anyone close to me die before. My grandpa died 4 years ago but I wasn't close to him at all. My husband's uncle died a couple years ago and that was tragic and sad since he wasn't even that old but I don't think it impacted me near as much as losing my Gigi will.

My God IS mighty to save though. He can do miracles and before I start mourning, I need to give Him a chance to do a miracle and savor each and every day.

Emersyn is napping and I am tempted to chill on the computer. But instead, I will work out, using the temple God has given me and continue to do everything I can to make it a healthy being. Life is short and though we can't prevent every kind of disease, we can do our best to make our bodies honoring to the Lord.

Please join me in praying for my family during this time. Thank you.

Wink Wink!

Do you think the Lord ever winks at you? I do! Just little things that God does to remind you that He is near.....like today I was at the coffee shop near the farmer's market and I just had unpacked all of Emersyn's stuff and got us settled into a table. The barista calls out my bagel and I gave her this pitiful "is there anyway you could bring it to this side of the coffee shop since my baby and I are all settled" look, which she ignored and motioned with her head for me to come get my bagel. Then, all the sudden a friend says, "Hey Patti" and he is sitting across from us, I hadn't even noticed him. He watched Ems while I went and got my bagel. This may not be big to you but it was to me. Little winks that say that God has got my back. Also, Brett's manager told him that he can have tomorrow off since Labor Day falls on his normally scheduled work day. I had been so bummed because our church is having this big family picnic and I wasn't going to go by myself. Now Brett gets to go with us!!!! Thank you Lord, wink wink!!

Now, onto other exciting topics... :)

Several weeks ago, a friend wrote on her blog that she needed someone to pick up a bag of produce for her at a local farmer's market while her and her family were camping. I agreed, thinking that any excuse to to the farmer's market is a good one! I love getting out early on the weekends too, even though I am not always the best at doing it.

I did not anticipate the tsunami like conditions that were going to accompany me to the farmer's market this morning! :)

I loaded up Emersyn into the car, found the rain cover that goes with my stroller and we headed out. It was SOAKING wet!! The only umbrella I could find was a giant golf one and I was met with several unfriendly looks as I poked people left and right with my offensively large umbrella. I grabbed the produce bag and then we headed back to the car. Not a morning to have a leisurely stroll.

I LOVE Fall. It is truly my favorite season. If you look at my house, you will see my love of Fall everywhere. My home has rich colors, lots of warm browns, rust oranges, yellows...*sigh*. It is a perfectly themed home for the Fall; come Spring though, I am usually ready for some new colors so I try to infuse them where I can.

I haven't quite embraced Fall yet since we are going to Hawaii next week. I figured when I get home from Hawaii, that will be the time to usher Fall in. I might get out some decorations before we leave though to welcome me when we get back. :)

I am looking forward to the new season. Brett and I have committed to becoming more involved with our church. We have taken a season of time away for quite awhile and we really sense the Lord prompting us to get back involved. I am joining choir again, whoo hoo! We are also going to be involved with our Young Adult's ministry in Sunday nights. I am going to be participating in a Tuesday morning women's Bible Study as well, studying the life of Esther. I get overwhelmed at being busy, yet it is when I am the most happy. I want to start establishing patterns early of being a good example to Emersyn and having the Lord and His church at the center of our lives.

Today I am going to clean up the downstairs, do some laundry and then make chimichanga's for dinner tonight. We are going to hang out with the Kaushal's; it has been too long!! Hopefully Emersyn gets a good nap!

Happy Saturday everyone!!

How could I not......

.....be reminded of God's goodness every time I look at this little face?? :)

Lessons from Jr. Asparagus

100% of the time that I/we are in the car with Emersyn now, Veggie Tales Sunday Morning Songs are playing in the CD player. This absolutely makes me love my husband even more; not only does he tolerate listening to this CD, he sings along and laughs out loud at Bob and Larry’s narration of the CD. I am sure that eventually we will get tired of this CD, but for now we are really enjoying it. And each time we listen to these songs, we are reminded of very simple truths.

Children’s songs are so simple. “I’ve got the joy joy joy joy, down in my heart….and I’m so happy…so very happy…I’ve got the love of Jesus in my heart”. Simple. No mention of circumstances or conditions to the happiness, they are simply happy because Jesus is in their heart. Done. I think us adults often think, “I’d be so happy…so very happy…. if only my house were clean and I had more money and I had a bigger house or a better job”. Children just CHOOSE to be happy for concrete reasons. Jesus is in their hearts, duh, you are going to be happy about that!

“My God is so big…so strong and so mighty, there’s nothing my God cannot do…..”

“I believe God can..”

“This is my commandment that you love one another, that your joy may be full…”

“I’ve got peace like a river….I’ve got love like an ocean….I’ve got joy like a fountain in my soul….”

All such great reminders of how overly complicated that we have made faith, ya know?

I think my favorite song, sung by the adorably off key Jr. Asparagus, is “God’s Way”

“The Lord has given this land to us, No need to fuss, He knows what He's doing, We know that He will take care of us, If we will follow Him…

God’s way is the best way,

Now that I know…He loves me so…

His way is the best way…and that’s the way for me!”

SO very reassuring to me. I can be a little bit of a control freak. (I can just hear my husband saying “a little?!!?”) Having a daughter has made me realize that I cannot control everything. I cannot control when she hits her head on the crib railing if I am not in there. I cannot control when she refuses to take a nap. I cannot control the fact that my hearts desire is to stay home with my daughter but I know that I am where the Lord wants me right now.

My entire life I have wrestled with who has control over the steering wheel, me or Him. How silly for me to want to drive, I have NO idea where I am going! The few rare times in my life when I have surrendered this control, I have actually ended up in a better destination then I would have picked AND I got to enjoy the scenery on the way, how about that!

So many things I cannot control….but instead of worrying or being anxious, I will cling to sweet little Jr.’s song and join him on the chorus…..

"God’s way is the best way,

Now that I know…He loves me so…

His way is the best way…and that’s the way for ME!”