The blessing of Obedience

Our home.

**Warning: this is a long one. :) This post deals with kind of a personal issue (finances) but I believe in sharing with each other for the purpose of encouragement and learning, even if that means admitting to failures or foolishness at times. :) **

Brett and I have dreamed of owning our own home long before we even started dating. We would drive for HOURS as friends, looking at homes in various neighborhoods throughout Portland and dreaming of our futures. We had very similar tastes and I remember now some silly conversations that Brett and I would have about loving a particular neighborhood and thinking, maybe someday we'll be neighbors. (Even though I know that secretly we both wanted to occupy the same home someday...) It brings a smile to my face to think of how innocent and unaware we were of our future together. God is so good. So so good.

I got my real estate license when I was 23, a relatively young age to start a profession that relies so heavily on referrals and a sphere of influence. I certainly wasn't going to find any clients in my friends for awhile; most of them were still in college or trying to get established in a career. Despite that, I had a very successful start and found myself making a good income with the Lord's assistance. I have some miraculous stories of deals I have done. I have sold homes to people that I met at open houses just by luck. I have sold a house to a client that I found in CA who purchased her home sight unseen. A lot of hard work and long hours has gone into my career but it can be a blessing financially, that is for sure. Brett and I decided during the real estate boom of 2005 that it was time for us to purchase a home, at the height of the boom really. Prices were just going up and up and we thought that if we didn't buy now, we may not be able to afford a home for a really really long time. A lot of it was motivated out of pride to be honest; I felt silly as a Realtor not owning my own home. Plus, it was such a great investment....home prices were going up monthly and from the time we started the building process (July 2005) to the time it was complete and we moved in (January 2006), the home had gone up in value by thousands of dollars.

Qualifying for our home was not easy. I made more money then Brett but had bad credit. My income didn't "count" because I hadn't been self employed yet for two years yet. Brett had okay credit but technically not enough income. So we did a stated income loan and paid for it, 6.5% on our first and 10.5% on the second, ouch. Brett's credit needed some help before we could qualify for the home though. When we first applied for our loan it became clear that his score was going to need to go up before we could close on the loan in June. We disputed things, wrote letters, etc. We were able to get Brett's score up by nearly 100 points. There were still some challenges with qualifying along the way though, and I became kind of desperate. I begged and pleaded with the Lord to help us get into this house. Not because we needed to move, not because of anything vital, but simply because my pride didn't want to have to tell our friends and family that we weren't able to close on our house. It was 100% pride. I remember listening to worship music and almost hearing the Lord say, "Are you SURE you want this house? If you want it, I'll give it to you but are you SURE?" and of course, I said yes yes yes!!! I didn't really stop to think that maybe the Lord intended for us to make a better choice in the future; for me it was all about the now. I didn't ask the Lord to guide and direct us; it was more like me telling the Lord what the best option for me was going to be.

On January 10th, 2006 Brett and I became homeowners. We had built our home and selected all the upgrades that we thought would make for a beautiful home and it turned out just lovely. We were very naive with our first home purchase and as many older people can relate, sometimes you don't know exactly what you want until you have a lived a little longer. I didn't' realize how important a yard would be once we had a family so our backyard is TINY and unfortunately not very private. But it's something and for that, I am grateful.

Okay, fast forward a couple of years. The real estate market plummets, along with a large portion of my income. Buyers are having trouble qualifying for a home, sellers are having trouble selling their homes and I take a pregnancy test that turns positive. All of these are factors for financial trouble. :) Brett and I got behind on our property taxes because we had elected to pay them all in one big lump sum once a year, an option that no longer exists probably because of people like us. Come November for two years, we simply did not have the money to pay our property taxes. Obviously our mortgage company started to get cranky when THEY had to pay our taxes and they decided that we either were going to have to come up with a large sum of money to pay them back or they were going to take our house. I panicked. We had just had Emersyn when all this started happening. Because of the delinquent property taxes, they had jacked our payment up beyond our means to pay and we were growing more and more behind. We spoke with the mortgage company and explained our situation. They offered to help roll the taxes into our payment as a way to get caught up. Their solution was to increase our mortgage payment by over $500/month for quite awhile. Having just had a baby, there was no way this was feasible.

I remember going into Emersyn's nursery and just crying at the thought of having to leave our home. I panicked when I thought of how our friends and family would judge us. Yes, we had made some really poor choices financially and the Lord showed us incredible lessons, some that I will share at another time. I wouldn't go back and change a thing about the times that could be considered *wasted*. I am a better person for all we have been through and I think that if we skipped all the ugly things in our lives, we would miss out on becoming who God intends us to be. I felt the Lord telling me that I needed to trust Him with our home and hold loosely to it. If it was something that we needed to be released from, I needed to trust Him and not let my pride get in the way AGAIN.

For the last 20 months we have worked with our mortgage company on a loan modification. Thanks to Obama (never thought I would say that), mortgage companies are able to modify existing loans to work with homeowners. With all the homes that are in foreclosure and being short saled, I was discouraged if this was EVER going to work out. There were SO many times that we thought about just walking away from the house. We could find a rental home in a WAY cooler area and even a cooler house. I dream of living in a single level someday. :) But I felt morally obligated to stick with our house. We had signed a contract to purchase it and I felt like the Lord was providing a way for us with the mod potential.

Last week we got the final paperwork for the loan modification and it is better then I would have ever imagined. We were able to get our rate negotiated down and without going into too many details, we are now in a better position then if we were going to rent. I feel so blessed and I 100% know it is because we were obedient, have been tithing consistently, and have been trusting the Lord in the area of our finances. **Side note: we have had many friends that have been unable to get loan mods because not every mortgage company is the same. We each have our own story and I believe there are blessings in every situation if we look hard enough. I consider this to be a miracle for our family and even if we had have to move, that would have been a different post but the same blessing of provision, just in a different way. :) My husband was hesitant for me to share our situation in fear that it might seem like *bragging* but I believe in bragging about the Lord's blessings in our lives for the purpose of giving Him the glory. If anyone reading this has been unable to get a loan mod, I don't believe that is the Lord NOT blessing you, maybe He's just blessing you in a different way that will make more sense someday. Okay, that was a long side note..... :)

The Lord truly longs to be gracious to us and I am so grateful for His mercy. He had every right to take away our house from us; we haven't been the best stewards with it or with our finances over the years. But God is so much like a parent; He just wants us to learn but not always have to punish us. This has been a stressful time, full of a lot of uncertainty and I have yet another testimony to add to dozens others about the Lord's faithfulness.

I decided to write this out for Emersyn to read someday and also for any of my blogger friends that might relate or need encouragement in the area of finances or provision.

We are so excited to know that we are staying in our home. We have big plans of going through the entire house and re-organizing, de-cluttering and perhaps even some redecorating. I would like to paint; actually I would love to hire painters but that isn't going to happen so instead, we will paint. We are going to really clean out our guest room and get it organized. We have a lot of storage spaces that aren't well utilized and that is totally up Brett's ally. He can reorganize like nobody's business. It is exciting times for us. :)

Thanks for letting me share.

BEST NIGHT EVER!!!!

Soooo I have been waiting to share this until my BFF made the official announcement via Facebook and blogland......

The weekend before last, Tiffany came to town for a women's conference. I would have loved to go with her but since my own church's womens retreat was the weekend prior, I felt like it probably wasn't the wisest choice for my budget. :) The conference ended on Saturday afternoon and then her/our friend Molly dropped her off at my house. I was SO happy to have her all to myself for an evening. We only get to see each other a couple times a year which stinks now that we have little ones. :(

Emersyn was at her Nana's and Brett was still at work so we got to chat for a good hour or so before Brett and Emersyn got home. Tiffany shared with me all the things that she felt God was telling her and the things He had revealed to her at this women's conference and I was so happy for her. I know that she has wrestled with infertility and she really seemed at peace with the Lord's timing in everything. I knew that she was supposed to "start" over the weekend but she hadn't yet so she planned on taking a pregnancy test the next morning.

Brett and Ems got home, we ate dinner and then sat down to relax. Being the impatient one that I am, I said "why don't you just take the test now?". Tiffany looked skeptical because you really should take them first thing in the morning and I only had one test. I told her no worries, I would totally send Brett to the Dollar store if this one was negative. My husband looked thrilled at the prospect of going to the Dollar store to buy his wife's BFF a pregnancy test, ha! He would have though if I wanted him to, that is just how great he is. :)

I gave Tiffany a plastic cup, the pregnancy test, and told her to go give it her best shot. I was praying the whole time. I so didn't want her to be disappointed and I wondered if it was a bad idea having her take the test at night. I was waiting outside when I heard her washing her hands. "You're not waiting by yourself are you??!!?" I shouted. She opened the door. "Nothing yet", she said. I looked at that oh so familiar dollar store test. The one that told me a hundred times that I wasn't pregnant and the one that told me exactly three times that I was indeed pregnant. My heart sank. There was just one line. I went out of the bathroom where I noticed that Emersyn had climbed upstairs to see what we were up to. All of the sudden Tiffany says, "There is a LINE". I race back into the bathroom. Indeed there was a line. Kinda. It was like super super light. I was skeptical. Tiffany was not. She starts screaming and jumping. I start screaming and jumping. Emersyn starts screaming but not out of joy, it is out of terror!! I pick Emersyn up and race downstairs with the pee test in hand. I shove it in Brett's face. I am sure he is thrilled to have my friends pee stick in his face at this point but I demand that he look at it. He agrees that it is there but it is faint. Tiffany grabs her wallet and says we have to go get another test. I tried to run out the door but Brett insisted that I stay to calm Emersyn down. He thought it was traumatizing for her mama to be screaming and then run off and I agreed. After Emersyn calmed down, we headed to Walgreens. I was in a daze. Tiffany had waited for this for so long. Did I really get to witness this dream come true for her?? She grabbed a digital test and then we went back home for a repeat of the episode above, except this time there wasn't a faint line, only a very definite "pregnant" declaration, and there was more screaming from us and sadly, from Emersyn too. Tiffany handed over the other digital pregnancy test for me to use someday since she had two confirmed tests. It is sitting in my bathroom right now, probably freaking my husband out, ha! :)

So what do you do when you find out your best friend is pregnant? You take her shopping!!! :) We went to Target and then Kohls to find a "Big Brother" t-shirt. Tiffany wrestled with not telling her husband until she got home but she asked Brett which he would have preferred and he said he would rather be told in person. We found the perfect shirt at Kohls and I can't wait to see pictures of Riley in it, holding his baby brother/sister.

Lou, thank you for getting pregnant at just the right time so that I could witness such a special event with you!!! Praying that God will bless this pregnancy and give you lots of energy.....you're gonna need it!!!

THIS I am Thankful For.....

For my sadly not used enough washing machine; for Emersyn's undying love of rice and kidney beans; a Wednesday babysitter that loves my daughter, cooks and CLEANS...this I am thankful for.

For family near and far; the blessing of two cars; my kitchen island's breakfast bar....this I am thankful for.

For a husband's love that is unconditional; for a daughter whose name is untraditional; for a Lord whose faithfulness is uncomparable....this I am thankful for.

For the ability to enjoy a Thanksgiving meal; for finding Gymboree tights that are a super good deal; for a group of friends that inspire me and keep it real....this I am thankful for.

For a comfortable bed to climb into, a warm place to relax and lay; for showing my strawberry blonde daughter how to fold her hands and pray; for a cup of coffee and early morning snuggles to start off a new day.....this I am thankful for.

For a daughter to prepare a nutritious breakfast for; for a friend who cut out a coupon for a candle I adore; for that moment of enjoying God's creation on Hawaii's beautiful ocean shore.....this I am thankful for.

For neighbors that make us dinner and give us their daughter's hand-me-downs; for my husband's job that he enjoys in a tall building located downtown; for Emersyn's giggles when her daddy tickles her, the most adorably silly sound.....this I am thankful for.

For a friend that offered to pick me up a crockpot at Target on Black Friday; for the Lord's protection as I drive my van down the dark and rainy highway; for my brother's odd obsession with a pop song this summer that was sung by a girl named Miley.....this I am thankful for.

For a community of bloggers that inspire me and crack me up; for the many blessings that seem to overfill my cup; for the God given hope and joy that reminds me never to give up.....THIS I am thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving from my home to yours!

A Dream Come True

A couple months ago in our church's bulletin, I saw a note saying that a new pictorial was going to come out. Defnition of pictorial: a directory with pictures. :) The last time our church had a pictorial done was when I was about 14, so about 14 years ago. I wish I had a copy of the picture to show you but I don't. That is probably okay though...it's not pretty, ha!

As cheesy as this is, I got REALLY excited about having our picture taken for the pictorial. Olan Mills does them and by participating, you get a free 8x10. It wasn't the free picture that excited me though, it was the prospect of having photographic evidence of God's blessings in my life.

If you have read this blog EVER, you know that it is never lacking in pictures. But this is different. Driving up to our church to have this picture taken with my husband driving and baby girl was a dream come true.

The girl that was pictured in the pictorial under my name 14 years ago had no idea what she was in for. She worried and agonized over the plans that God had for her, not trusting entirely and often thinking that she could do things better. Instead of taking the Lords hand, she decided that she could do it on her own for awhile. She made choices based on selfishness and instant gratification. She was insecure and sought approval from man, not the Lord. Little did she know that only two pages away in that same pictorial, under the "J" section, her future husband was pictured with his family. If only she could of heard the Lord whispering to her with giddy excitement "just you wait until the next time your church does a pictorial....you'll never believe what that picture will look like!!!".

Fast forward 14 years. The girl that is pictured THIS TIME has a different last name and has lost the giant glasses (praise the Lord). :) She has learned that all that agonizing and worrying that she did for all those years was silly and pointless. She is able to walk in confidence not because of WHO she is, but because of WHOSE she is. She was able to surrender her plans and be content in the Lord and reap the blessings of this contentment. She can hardly listen to worship music without bawling in gratitude to the Lord for saving her from herself. Her life isn't perfect by any means and her list is long of goals and desired habits to be acheived. But she is happy and the joy of the Lord is her strength. Her husband and baby are the most incredible blessings that she could have ever imagined, but they don't complete her. Her identity is found in the Lord, not in being Brett's wife or Emersyn's mom. God's grace looks different for everyone. Sometimes I feel guilty because I am so blessed to be married and so many of my friends are still waiting for Godly husbands. However, I truly believe that everyone can be JUST as happy as I am, just in different ways. God longs to be gracious to us ALL, and each of our stories are handwritten by an incredible Author.

So, I present to you our first "official" family photo. It's awkward. The blue background is hideous. My neck is no where to be found because of the way the photographer kept telling me to turn my head. My daughter's hand is odd looking because I had just grabbed it from out of her mouth and then we snapped the picture.

I.Love.It.

Monkey Buddies

Last week, Emersyn had a playdate with Mr. Rowan! We met Rowan's parents in our birth class and have kept in touch since. Brianne, Rowan's mommy, was kind enough to help me out in a bind when I couldn't find anyone to watch Emersyn. It turns out that Rowan and Emersyn share something in common: their love for monkeys! :) Brianne emailed me these pics during their playdate. TOO cute!

Monkey lovin'.

This picture cracks me up. Emersyn is bigger and older then Rowan and she tends to be more aggressive towards younger babies. Not like mean aggressive, just takes their toys and pokes them in the eyes, normal stuff. I think this is because she has a lot of older baby friends who run the show so when she gets with the youngin's, she runs the show. :) Rowan was clearly not intimidated! I can't tell if he is trying to spoon her or strangle her in this picture!! :)

Cuties. :)

Thanks again Brianne, you are a blessing to us!!

How could I not......

.....be reminded of God's goodness every time I look at this little face?? :)