Not Me Monday- It's been awhile!

*Everyone knows that you do NOT try out a new self tanner right before a MAJOR LIFE EVENT. I could just leave it at that but I'll elaborate for your amusement......I posted on Facebook a couple weeks before my brother's wedding to find out the best sunless tanners out there. 95% of my friends suggested "Jergens Natural Glow" lotion. It wasn't me who completely disregarded all my friends advice (the advice that I solicited mind you) and decided to buy a Neutragena spray tanner instead. It also wasn't ME who decided to wait until the Wednesday night before the wedding (which was on a Friday) to have my husband spray me down. I figured he can spray paint decently, this would be similar, right?!?

Upon waking up on Thursday morning, it wasn't ME who looked like a streaky orange/white MESS!!!!! I didn't wake Brett up frantically, showing him my newly acquired stripes. And I certainly didn't frantically start googling "how to remove sunless tanner". One of the remedies was to take a bath in baking soda and baby oil. After soaking for 20 minutes and seeing no results, I decided to get out, telling Brett to be SURE to clean the tub behind me.

Life had to go on and we had to go pick up my cousin from the airport. I put on some pants and a hoodie and thanked my lucky stars that I had enough sense to NOT put the sunless tanner on my face. On our way to the airport, I confirmed that Brett had indeed cleaned out the bathtub, the bathtub that the groom-to-be was going to use that morning. It wasn't my husband that FORGOT to clean out the deadly baby oiled tub!!! I frantically called my brother and prayed that he hadn't already broken his neck on the slick fiberglass death trap and luckily he answered the phone and heeded my warning. :)

I called a tanning salon who recommended using Windex. It wasn't ME who used nearly half a bottle of windex over the next couple of days, scrubbing down my striped body and prayed for forgiveness for being SO foolish!!!

P.S. The Windex actually worked. If you looked super closely at my skin, you could see some remnant streaks but it wasn't noticeable at a glance. Hall-le-lu-jah!!!

*It wasn't my husband who made us THIRTY minutes late for pictures on the wedding day because he waited until THAT afternoon to pick up his shoes!!!!

*It wasn't me who pulled into my next door neighbors driveway last week while deep in thought, ha!

*It wasn't me who went to bake some yummy applesauce muffins, only to realize that I had used ALL my baking soda during the sunless tanner fiasco.....

Not Me Monday- Michael Buble Concert Edition

On Friday night Brett and I went to see Michael Buble. Out of the evening, some Not Me moments occurred.....enjoy. :)

On the way to the concert, I had a little bit of a headache so we stopped at 7-11 where I bought some Alieve and a water bottle. Brett insisted on buying a larger water bottle because "it only cost a little more" and I told him that it's likely that we won't be able to bring water in and a littler bottle would be easier to hide. He said that he thought they would let us bring in bottled water.

Upon arriving at the Rose Garden, Portland's basketball arena where the concert was, we waited in a brief line and right before we got to the front, the two elderly ladies in front of us were told that they could NOT bring their water bottles in. Brett immediately grabs my arm and yanks me out of line, going back outside. I am totally exasperated. I tell him that we will just need to toss the water and I wish he would have listened to me so that we could have smuggled a littler bottle in. But my husband was determined.

That's when the Not Me My Husband moments began. At that point Brett did NOT proceed to stuff the large water bottle into his jacket, not realizing that he has lost 20+ pounds which has resulted in a much looser fitting jacket. After stuffing the water bottle into his jacket, the water bottle then did NOT totally fall out from his jacket and proceed to roll away in front of this huge line of people. I did NOT almost pass out from laughing so hard and then Brett re-stuffed the water into his jacket and put his hands in his pocket to keep the bottle in tact. When we finally got through the ticket line, we were in the clear. I laughed about it all night.

The concert was full of lusty middle aged women who were there to get their fix of Mr. Buble. Seriously. It was intense. This lady sitting next to us had to be in her late 60's. She was looking through her $30 (!!!!) program, which I did NOT totally judge her for buying, and we were eavesdropping as she went through the program, pointing out pictures to her elderly husband (who had clearly been dragged to this concert against his free will). We heard her say, "Now this is the picture I have on my screensaver" and "oh this is the picture that I had on my screensaver for awhile, remember that one". The program even had a centerfold. When she opened the centerfold picture, ANOTHER elderly woman from 3 or 4 rows back let out a cat call and then the two ladies starting talking about the Michael Buble pictures and probably about their screensavers, I couldn't really hear.

During the concert, the old lady next to us took at least 1000 pictures of Buble. It was hysterical. I wanted to tell her to just enjoy the concert and stop worrying about pictures but then I realized, she was likely at the concert to get a NEW screensaver picture.

At one point, Michael came out into the audience and over to my section where he was like 6 or 7 people away from him. I totally did NOT swoon.

Okay, so that post wasn't entirely Not Me-ish but there were some funny moments that I wanted to record so that I didn't forget them, especially the water bottle incident. I love my husband.

Not Me Monday

Some random "Not Me" moments from the last week or so....

*Since having Emersyn, I find that my memory is even BETTER then it used to be! I'm not one of THOSE women who claim to have pregnancy brain, even long after their pregnancy has ended. So whenever I take a shower, it's NOT ME who will often realize that I have been in the shower for who knows how long and I have no idea what I have or have not already washed. Anyone else with me? Or rather, NOT with me? :)

*Speaking of pregnancy brain, it was also NOT ME that forgot the baking soda while baking banana nut muffins the other day! Which of these muffins does NOT have baking soda in it? Bet you will never guess!!

*While shopping or at resteraunts I have complete control over my toddler at all times. Soooo it was definitely NOT ME who let Emersyn watch Jason Mraz and Elmo on YouTube at Target and at a mexican resteraunt last night. Nope, not me. Emersyn never needs to be entertained by boring technology. She prefers to sit quietly and read a book, never making a peep while I shop or while Mommy and Daddy have some grown up time. I am SUCH a lucky mom, don't you think? (No really, I am a lucky mom and I know it!!)

*Brett and I totally did NOT splurge and have some ribs on Saturday night for our Valentine's celebration that were to die for. And while eating those ribs, Brett certainly did NOT lean over and whisper to me "let's not tell anyone that we went here for dinner". Ha ha, isn't that the definition of knowing how something is wrong? Being afraid to tell anyone about it!! I love him.

*On Saturday, it didn't take me THREE hours to clean my room. My room is always neat and tidy, truly a romantic boudoir. It never gets cluttered with laundry, both clean and dirty. And when we have guests, I never frantically clean up the downstairs and cram everything into our room and shut the door! And when I washed the sheets and made the bed, complete with decorative pillows, I wasn't SO impressed with how pretty it looked that I took a picture on my phone...

Well...maybe I did! :)

*On Saturday, I received a teeny tiny Pamper's Swaddler diaper in the mail for some odd reason. When I saw that teeny tiny diaper, I did NOT feel my uterus start to ache for another baby!!!!! I am SO not ready for another baby at this point in life. But maybe sooner versus later..... Caitlin, don't judge me! Help me be strong!! :) And that sweet little diaper is NOT still sitting on my center console in my van where I do NOT look at it all the time and remember how fun those sweet little newborns are.....okay, enough of THAT!! Brett, don't worry...I don't really want another baby quite yet. Any by quite yet I am not sure what I mean.....!! :)

Happy Not Me Monday!!

Not Me Monday

It's Not Me Monday time again...therapy for the soul I tell ya..... :)

*Last Wednesday, it WASN'T me who changed my shift at work to 12-5 (from my normal 1-6) so that my babysitter could get to a meeting only for me to COMPLETELY forget to leave at 5 and happily continue working until I FREAKED out at 5:45 and realized that I was supposed to have left 45 minutes earlier!!!! Nope, I would never be that absent minded!!! (And it certainly wasn't the birth of my daughter that left me with fewer brain cells then before I had her!!)





*I am pretty excited and proud of our healthy living campaign. In an effort to find more nutritious meals, I have tried to have some vegetarian dinners planned. It wasn't me who posted on Facebook that I was sooooo excited for our vegetarian dinner that night featuring a baked potato and turkey chili!!! And then upon realizing that I had posted such a silly thing, er..I mean, NOT posted, I then did NOT call my husband frantically to have him log into my Facebook account and delete my status as to avoid public ridicule!!!

*On Sunday I totally did NOT root for the Vikings to win over the Saints. I don't even like football!!! I also was NOT extremely disappointed when the Vikings lost and say things like, "what was Farve thinking??". Not me, I DESPISE football!!!!

*While having dinner with friends on Saturday night, us girls totally didn't act like giddy kids while the boys played video games and we downloaded fun apps on my new iPhone. What sort of mature adults interact like that on a Saturday night?? And speaking of iPhones, since I got mine on Friday, I certainly have NOT pretended like I need to go the bathroom while my husband is home so that I can sneak in some fun games while he watched our daughter. Not me!!

*I never think unChristian thoughts towards Jillian Michaels during the 30 Day Shred video. And I certainly NEVER yell at the TV when she says things that irritate me as sweat cascades down my face. In fact, I NEVER sweat...I only glow. ;)

*I have NOT been putting off organizing my closet for weeks now. In fact, it wasn't MY brilliant idea that we take start folding all our clean clothes on the guest room bed so that we have more room to clean out the closet and dresser drawers. As a result of me NOT procrastinating, my guest bed is NOT covered in a sea of clean clothes, some folded, most not.

*I did NOT lay in bed this morning while my husband was in the shower, thinking to myself what a good wife I would be if I went downstairs and made him a lunch while he got ready, only to fall back asleep again.


Okay, I think you have heard enough about what I have NOT been up to lately! Happy Monday!!

Not Me Monday!

It's been awhile since I have participated in a Not Me Monday! I am sure there are countless moments that I am forgetting about but this is what I remember off the top of my head.....

*I am so NOT obsessed with my daughter's hair to the point of using a roundbrush to style it while blowdrying it....before bedtime!! I NEVER have to pray for forgiveness for the pride I am overwhelmed with when I see Emersyn's shiny perfectly blown dry hair. While in Minnesota at the Mall of America, it wasn't me who got super irritated when Emersyn pulled our her carefully combed piggy tails while at "Bubba Gumps" and in retaliation, used a fork to comb her hair back into piggy tails, though they weren't nearly as perfect as I would have liked.

*Emersyn seems to get the bathtub confused with a toilet. Upon checking in on her in the bathtub, I saw her standing up the other day. I went to see what she was up to and discovered THE largest piece of poop that I have ever seen come out of a child. I then did NOT proceed to call my brother and his girlfriend up to verify how huge it was so I could report later to Brett how appalling this was, and when I fished the disgusting piece of poop out of the tub (with toilet paper!!), it then did NOT totally plug the toilet when I flushed it. Oh wait, it DID totally plug the toilet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What the heck???

*Just yesterday, it wasn't MY husband who had me call his cell phone 25 times so that he could find it before we left for church. He had it on the "meeting" setting which means it beeps once very quietly...and that's it. He looked all through the house in frustration saying, "I feel like I am getting closer to the beep." He didn't find it. Then while singing along to some songs at church, I felt someone nudge my arm and it was my husband, sheepishly holding his phone....which had been in HIS POCKET the whole time!!!

*Yesterday I could hardly walk due to the aftermath of two day's worth of "shredding". I was certainly NOT tempted to take the elevator down one flight of stairs at church. And the only reason that I didn't take the elevator and decided to suffer down the long flight of stairs WASN'T because I saw two of my friends by the elevator and I would have been embarassed to get in the elevator along with the elderly in their wheelchairs.

*Before I had children, I always slightly judged the moms that let their kids play at the mall "playgrounds". So when I take Emersyn to the mall, I certainly NEVER let her play there!! Well, last Friday when I was NOT letting her play, I certainly didn't catch her with someone elses binky in her mouth!!!!!!!!!!!! That isn't even the worst part, we couldn't figure out who the binky belonged to because no one claimed it. I nearly passed out, I am not kidding you. Brett sprinted over to her and yanked the binky out when we saw her happily chewing on it, which resulted in her throwing a fit. We immediately left, used about 50 antibacterial wipes to clean her up, and walked in a daze through the mall to our car, totally scarred. Ugh, that is why I NEVER let Emerysn play at those playgrounds and NEVER will again!!!!

Oh man, I know there are SO many more moments that I am forgetting!! Oh well....'til next time!

Not Me Monday!

*My sweet little Emersyn Grace is NEVER naughty. And when it comes to bath time, she waits patiently by the side of the tub for it to fill up and for Mommy to gently place her in the warm water. She most certainly doesn't scream like a banshee when she sees the tub filling up and try desperately to get in the tub fully clothed. And last week when she did NOT act this way, I didn't strip off her clothing and diaper with lightening speed, plunk her down in the tub and then notice approximately 5 minutes later that she was still wearing her socks!! (Refer to this Wordless Wednesday)

*Last weekend, I did NOT watch "A Boyfriend for Christmas" on Lifetime. Not me!! Instead, I baked and did all the laundry and even managed to knit up a sweater or two. I ALWAYS spend the weekends being productive and crafting handmade goods, I PROMISE!!

*Emersyn loves her stuffed animals. She is now the proud owner of a three legged dog. Why is it three legged you ask? Certainly NOT because it fell down from her carseat and into the path of our automatic van door where it got lodged into door jam where I did NOT tear off the dogs foot in an attempt to prevent my van door from being jammed, only to realize later that this may have been remedied by simply closing the door and loosening the dog, thus saving his leg. That is definitely NOT the reason why there is a stray dog leg/foot on the floor of my van. A van that is sparkly clean, NOT totally trashed inside and out because it has been too darn cold to clean the inside OR outside!

*We have done a pretty good job teaching Emersyn not to touch our Christmas tree. Yesterday afternoon I did NOT encourage Emersyn to play with the tree so I could get some decent pictures of her in her Christmas dress, nope, NOT ME! I didn't sacrifice the decorative integrity of my beautiful tree just so this proud mama could snap a picture or two, that would send a very mixed message to my toddler, don't you think??

Well, that's enough Not Me fun for one week! Happy Monday everyone!!

Not Me Monday

*Being the perfect housewife, I am always on top of the grocery shopping. So it is safe to say that I definitely didn't make a box of rice pilaf for lunch on Saturday afternoon because there was literally nothing else in the house to eat. I would never eat such an unbalanced lunch! After all, I have a picture of the nutrition pyramid hanging in my kitchen as a guide for all meals that I serve.

*Most mornings, Emersyn wakes up before we do. Do I ever pretend to sleep through her crying just so my husband will get up and get her some warm milk? Nope, not me!

*One morning last week, I heard some suspicious grunting while Emersyn was in the bathtub and I was in the hall right outside the bathroom folding laundry. I glanced at the tub and saw my dainty daughter standing against the wall and saw some number two starting to make it's way out of her rear end. Trust me, I am NOT the kind of mother that would let her daughter continue on her journey toward bowel relief JUST so I could run and get the camera. That would be disgusting. And upon running back up the stairs (which totally didn't make me out of breath for a good few minutes) I didn't then take a picture of the crime scene. What kind of a mother would take a picture of such a thing??? (Side note: after receiving some anonymous comments, I want to clarify that she was NOT alone in the tub, I sit in the doorway, folding laundry into the hall but she is in my eyesight 100% of the time...I did run and grab the camera but this was a 15 second task and one I would have never done when she was younger and not able to support herself. Thank you for your concern)

Okay, well maybe I did.....clearly Emerysn is not impressed with me at this point...she's like "Mom....I totally just pooped...you gonna do anything about it??"

*The first word that people think of when they think of me is mild-mannered. Okay, that is two words. So naturally, I absolutely never have hormonal bursts of rage towards my husband for no apparent reason. One night last week, I for sure didn't totally lash out at my husband and then proceed to challenge him to a game on the Wii Active to get out some of my aggression. While playing the Wii, I definitely didn't almost black out while playing the boxing game out of sheer determination to beat him. And when I did beat him, I definitely didn't gloat about it. I am very humble when it comes to games and competition. And I am in such good shape that now, two days later, I am NOT still totally sore. My forearm muscles feel great in fact, not an ounce of pain for me!!

*On Wednesday I met a friend at the mall for coffee. While drinking coffee in the courtyard area, I most certainly did not let Emersyn loudly and obnoxiously scoot a chair all around the echoing area just so I could have an adult conversation (shouted over the chair scooting of course). Nope, not me! I would never let my child disturb anyones peace and quiet like that! I also didn't change my daughter on the offending chair to save myself a trip to the restroom when I noticed a suspicious bulge peeking out of her backside. Not me, that would be SO tacky!!

It seems as Emersyn gets older, I start to have more "Not Me" moments.....funny how that works! :)

Happy Monday everyone!

Not Me Monday

*Certainly I am not such a cheapskate that I went nearly two weeks without normal shampoo because I waiting for a new coupon book from Costco to come out so that I could save $4. Not me, I would never be so cheap! And while I was waiting to buy new shampoo, I definitely didn't raid the guest bathroom and use some really old head and shoulders shampoo that I found and maybe even use some of Emersyn's shampoo on occasion. Not me!!

*On Friday night, I definitely didn't put Emersyn down to sleep in her clothes. Nope, not me! I always loving put pajamas on her, read her a story, say our prayers and brush her teeth, no exceptions!! I am not one of those mother's who just puts her sleepy baby in her crib, fully clothed. And then the next morning, I for SURE didn't get Emersyn up and proceed to leave immediately to take Brett to work in her clothes from the day before. Not me!

*On Sunday afternoon, I absolutely didn't waste 30 minutes of my life watching the Magic Bullet infomercial, as though I hadn't already seen it 197 times. Nope, I am ALWAYS productive on Sunday afternoons, usually cleaning or baking or crafting handmade goods. And I certainly didn't judge the lady that was trying to sell the Magic Bullet for trying to use her ample cleavage to encourage people to buy this product. Nope, you won't find a judgemental bone in my body!

Happy Monday!

Not Me Monday

Surely I am not the type of mother......

...who takes off her baby girl's clothes.....

...on a public beach in Hawaii.......

....JUST so I can take pictures of....

...her perfectly round baby pot belly....

....chubby baby thighs....

.... and adorably dimpled tush....

...not to mention her plump arms.....

....NOPE! Not me!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Not My Child Monday!

One of my favorite blogs, www.mycharmingkids.net, does a fun Monday tradition called "Not Me Monday" where you can recall the fun events of the week, usually surrounding parenting in a somewhat sarcastic and witty way. I normally don't take part because I just don't consider myself to be witty enough. However, this week it is "Not My Child Monday" and I just so happened to have a little experience at swimming lessons that falls under this category, as well as a little "Not Me" mixed in.

On Thursday, I picked up Emersyn from her Nana's house and we headed off to swim lessons. In an effort to save time, I changed Emersyn into her swim suit and swim diaper before we left. We drove about 25 minutes to the aquatic center. Upon arriving at the aquatic center, I got all our gear and unbuckled Emersyn. She was SOAKED. Like beyond SOAKED. Apparently her swim diaper has a capacity and she exceeded it. Her car seat was soaked too. Fantastic. And I certainly did NOT only bring ONE swim diaper with me, that would be just silly! I am ALWAYS prepared for anything and my diaper bag NEVER lacks of the essentials, such as wipes and, oh I don't know....DIAPERS!!!

So we march into the swim center to the family locker room where I did NOT put my urine soaked daughter on the bench while I changed into my swimsuit. Once I was changed, I put on my swim suit cover up and we went into the hallway where the lockers are. Emersyn, at that point, did NOT proceed to pee on me, all over my cover up, my leg and my foot..... nope, NOT MY CHILD! And I certainly did not just pretend to NOT notice the cascade of liquid coming from her swimsuit as other people walked by, NOT ME! I took off my freshly peed on cover up and stuffed it into the locker, along with my other valuables and then Ems and I walked down the hall to the showers so that we could attempt to rinse off the lovely pee bath that we had just taken.

The end.

The moral of the story: don't change Emersyn into her swim diaper until right before we get into the pool. Oh, and bring more then one swim diaper!