One day at a time!

Thanks so much for all your sweet thoughts and prayers regarding my post yesterday. It's so nice to know that you're not alone in your struggles and I so so appreciate it. :)

Last night I went to Starbucks and bawled my eyes out writing a letter to my grandma. It felt good to write but was also very challenging. How do you put into words how much someone means to you? I thanked her for so many things in my life and gave her my blessing to "go" when she felt like she needs to. My brother and I both wrote letters and I'm so glad that Gigi knows how we feel about her.

Today is a new day and for that I am grateful.

My bff is still in town and we had a coffee date this morning complete with some magazine reading (FUN!) and then pedicures. When we arrived at the nail salon, the Food Network was on the big flat screen TV and it was fun to watch. Then the salon manager lady put in a movie and I'm thinking, oooh maybe a fun chick flick.

I was wrong.

She put in "Jackie Chan's: Kung Fu Master" complete with English subtitles.

Why!?!?!?

Geez.

In other news, today is one of Emersyn's little buddy's birthdays!! Happy birthdy sweet Ellie! This was Ems and Ellie at one of their first playdates....

Look at them now!

(Ems the jelly bean bandit....she's obsessed with candy now, a-thank you Sarah!! Ha ha, just kidding...okay, I'm half kidding...ha ha)

Ellie's mom Sarah hosted a DARLING birthday party this past weekend, complete with games, favors, the whole nine yards. Emersyn played her first party game, "pin the flower on Minnie". It was adorable. We have a (VERY overdue) playdate scheduled on Saturday with Sarah and Ellie and I can't wait! Sarah is a breath of fresh air in my life and Emersyn and Ellie are just too sweet together.

I decided to leave work today to Skype with my parents and Gigi this afternoon before it got too late for them. I felt an urgency in my heart and needed to follow it. It was good to see my Gigi on the screen. I could see how tired she is. Emersyn, Brett and I all chatted with the three of them and it was nice. I spoke with my mom afterwards and said that at this point, it won't be long. I'm praying for peace for my parents today, I wish they didn't live so far away.

On a more cheerful note, here is a pretty cute pic of me and my Gigi....

Untitled

I have no title for this post. I'm not really sure what to call it other then something like my random ramblings but that sounds too chipper for how I'm feeling.

My mom called last night to tell me that my grandma's hospice nurse thinks that she will be heaven bound possibly within a week. It's so much to process. The hardest part is being so far away. I was tempted to hop on a plane and go see them but I don't think that is what would be best right now with having a family of my own to take care of. I really feel like my mom needs this special time alone with her mom too. It's just hard to swallow that I won't be seeing my grandma again on this side of heaven. It's even harder to grasp that Emersyn won't get to play with her, she won't meet any of my future children, etc.

I feel like I'm in somewhat of a daze. I am feeling very behind in life and that always brings me kinda down. The last two weekends have been crazy busy and I have had company at my house for all but 4 days of the last two weeks which I enjoy but it makes for extra busy-ness.

I am so grateful that my mom and Grandma were able to come out a couple weekends ago. It was seriously a miracle that they did. If the trip had been planned for one week later, it would have been cancelled due to Gigi's declining health.

I have only done two days of my "Breaking Free" study and I think I'm supposed to be on something like day 16 and that makes me really sad. I know that God has wonderful things to show me through this study but I need to make the time. I am feeling really short on time lately, not sure where it's all going but I know I just don't have enough of it.

When I get kind of down and out I get so unmotivated which does not help when you are trying to lose weight, let's be honest. Who gets sad and thinks, I'll make a salad? Not me. Maybe someday I'll be someone that gets out their frustrations and sadness by working out but that it not me at the moment. I don't really care....just want to get past all this with my Gigi.

I try to tell myself that this is just life. Everyone loses their grandparents at some point and moves on. But that doesn't make it any easier right now.

I talked with my dad this morning and told him my decision to not go out to MN unless my mom needs me and in that case, I'm there in an instant. Several friends have advised me to just hang on the memories that I have with her and cling to those and I think that is good advice.

I have had a dull headache for two days.

Part of me wants to just take off for the beach for a couple of days. Not that that is even an option or possibility but it sounds nice. The other part of me wants to just finally fold the giant laundry of clean clothes in my room that seems to haunt me. My room in general is a mess which is usually the case when we have company; everything gets shoved in my room to deal with later.

This morning Emersyn had her second gymnastics class. It wasn't quite as fun as the first one but I think it could have been my somewhat melancholy mood. Emersyn was so darn cute though. Not as many somersaults as before but she did find some new things in the obstacle course that she loved. I kind of just let her run around and pick which things she wanted to do but next time I'm going to make sure she does each one. I think she'll learn more that way. She is so funny, when she gets excited she sticks her tongue out and has this ecstatic look of pure joy.

After gymnastics I ran to the store and then came home and whipped up dinner. Nothing like needing to keep your mind off things to result in some productivity. I made homemade sloppy joes, a cucumber tomato salad, and cut up a cantaloupe. We have been eating out a LOT lately due to a busy schedule and I'm kind of sick of it.

After work tonight I am going to go home and snag the laptop and head to Starbucks. I need to gather my thoughts alone and write my grandma a letter. I wanted to wait to do it at the beach on Friday afternoon, just seemed like a fitting place to do it since Gig loves the ocean but I worry that she might not get a chance to read it if I do that.

Geez. Sorry to be such a downer. I just needed to get this off my chest though, I feel a little better now. Thanks in advance for your thoughts and concern; I have the best bloggy friends. :)

Wordless Wednesday- Hanging out with Horses!!!

First Day of Tumbling/Thursday Tidbits

*Emersyn had her first day of tumbling/gymnastics. She was too stinkin' cute, seriously. Our class was only 5 minutes away from my house, yippee! We did a 10am class and signed up with our friends Caitlin and Emery.

Emersyn made sure she was hydrated before class. She also made sure she had her phone in case she got an important call.

Em & Em

Emersyn caught on really quick to doing somersaults on her own. I think it's because she had done some "practice tumbling" at my friend Amancia's last Wednesday. I was so proud of my little tumbling girly!!!!!

We went home after gymnastics and I wanted Emersyn to have a snack, particularly a banana since we had a bunch that weren't getting eaten. Emersyn didn't want it, but then I told her that in order to be a good gymnast, you need to eat very healthy foods like bananas and she totally gobbled the whole thing up after I said that and was SO proud of herself.

When we got home later that night, Emersyn was soooo excited to show her daddy some of her new moves, including her somersaults and stretches.

Clearly I'm going to need to get her some athletic apparel, don't you think?? Can I just tell you how in love my little girl I am!!!!

Okay, onto some Thursday Tidbits!

*While my mom was here I baked and cooked up a storm. I think I have finally acheived a level of domesticity that I can be proud of. I've been doing great keeping my downstairs picked up too!! Tonight we are going to watch our Thursday night shows and put up some fall decorations. I'm.So.Excited.

*Tonight I'm making some corn chowder to take tomorrow to a gal at my church who just had a baby. Corn chowder is SO much better the second day. I hope that they like it, it's one of my family favorites.

*This weekend is going to be busy busy. Friday night we are celebrating Brett and his Dad's birthdays that are about a week apart. We are going to Claim Jumper which will be fun. Saturday morning we're going to the farmer's market with our friends. Saturday afternoon we are going to a Minnie Mouse birthday party for Emersyn's friend Ellie, and then that evening we are going to hang out with our friends James & Rachelle and their two week old baby, Sophia. Sunday afternoon we have a birthday party that is at a horse farm where the kids will get to ride horses so naturally I had to go and buy Emersyn a pair of cowboy boots!! (They will be her brown boots for the Fall/Winter too, that's how I justified the purchase). Sunday evening we will go to church and then that evening my bestie and her little man will arrive for the week. Whew, I'm tired just thinking about my weekend. Luckily, tomorrow will be pretty low key before we gear up for the big weekend fun!

*Today we went to Home Depot and bought a timer for our front porch lights FINALLY. I have been wanting one forever...I can't stand it when we leave the lights on for the whole day. Such a waste of energy!! Brett is working on installing it today. We also bought a dimmer for the dining room!! I hate how bright our dining room can be, it's almost a harsh light when we are trying to enjoy a romantic dinner or entertaining. Brett already got it installed and I can't wait to see how it looks when I get home.

*This morning I asked Emersyn if she was ready to use the big girl potty and she said, "no....not yet". It was such a grown up thing to say, it made Brett and I laugh.

*On Monday Emersyn told me that she put Elmo in timeout. I asked her why. She said, "he not obey.....he naughty......how sad". It was hilarious. She totally gets the time out concept.

Happy Thursday everyone!!!!

Wordless Wednesday- Me at Emersyn's exact age!

See ya later Gigi!!

Yesterday I had such a wonderful day with my family. Ems was feeling under the weather so I had the perfect excuse to stay home from work and enjoy my family. My brother ended up telling his work our situation and they let him have a personal day to spend with us. We sat around, watched tv, talked, laughed at Emersyn's crazy little antics, and just enjoyed each other. It was perfect.

David's wife Jenny wasn't able to come due to work and school but we missed her. Thanks for sharing your husband for the day Jen! :)

This morning we had a lazy morning and I stayed home from work again, mainly because Emersyn isn't feeling well. Brett arranged to have the morning off too which was so so sweet. I know that he wanted to spend more time with mom and Gigi, but mostly he stayed home to take care of me and I love him for it. I enjoyed my coffee with Gigi and we told Brett the story of how Gigi wore a pair of brand new shoes one time when she took me to Disneyland and how by the end of the day, the shoes were ruined because she ended up walking on the heels for most of the day because of the blisters. Fun memories. :)

We got a chance to take some more pictures with Emersyn before we headed to the airport.



I am actually doing much better today then I thought I would be, largely due to prayers and well wishes from so many of my friends. I parked the car and Ems and I took Mimi and Gigi inside the airport and got all their bags checked. Saying goodbye wasn't easy but the optimist in me really thinks that I just might see Gigi again......you never know. ;) Like Sarah said though in a very sweet comment, I WILL see Gigi again....just maybe not as soon as I'd like to. I told Gigi that we're all headed the same place; she's just going to get there sooner. Praise God for the hope we have in heaven.

And now, life returns to normal. My BFF is coming to stay with her little man (Emersyn's future betrothed, remember?) on Sunday and we have lots of fun times in store. My husband turns THIRTY next week too, I can hardly believe it. Officially grown up, or at least it feels that way.

God is good. Happy Tuesday.

Mom & Gigi's visit

Many of you know that my Grandma has lung cancer. She is in hospice care now and she's chosen not to pursue any further treatment. Last week my mom called to see if her and Gigi could come out for a short visit (per the hospice nurse's recommendation) and of course I said yes! I quickly rearranged our schedules, made some phone calls, canceled some plans, and got really excited to see my mom and Gigi.

I have to be honest though, on the way to the airport I started to panic a little. When we left my parents house in July, I didn't have to say "goodbye" to Gigi.....instead, we said "see you later" and hoped for another visit maybe in January. It gave me a lot of relief to not have that pressure of saying "goodbye". Since July, Gigi's health has worsened and I knew that this visit would likely be "goodbye". I cried on the way to the airport and kind of started to dread the visit, and fearful of what I was going to have to face.

When we picked up Gigi and Mom, Gigi seemed pretty out of it. My grandma is sassy. She has an amazing sense of humor, thinks "The Office" is hilarious, and got Brett and I on into the dry humor of Christopher Guest's movies (Best in Show, Waiting for Guffman, etc.) Gigi was very quiet and sleepy. Apparently, she took an anti-anxiety medication on the plane to help with the flight and it left her very drugged. We took my mom, Gigi, and Ems home and then Brett and I ran to get some groceries. When we got home, Gigi had returned to a little more of a normal state which was a relief.

Immediately my sense of fear and anxiety over the visit ceased once I was able to get home and spend time with my mom and grandma. I am so grateful for the precious memories that we have created this weekend. We have been house bound for much of the visit, with one trip to Fred Meyers. :) I have been doing some baking and making some yummy homemade dinners for my family and it feels good.

For Emersyn's birthday, my friend Amancia gave her some paints and a canvas (along with a really cute T-Ball set...love it!!). I decided to save the canvas for Gigi's visit and yesterday Emersyn and Gig created a masterpiece. I was very emotional, watching Ems and Gigi just enjoy each other so much. Emersyn truly loves her Gigi. Whenever Gigi leaves the room, Ems goes looking for her. She goes upstairs with my mom and helps get Gigi to bed. It's really precious. Brett pointed out to me that we are so lucky that Emersyn knows any of her great grandparents and we just need to reflect on that blessing. Still, it doesn't make it easy.

I have so enjoyed spending some quality time with my mom and grandma. My sweet Gigi has left quite a legacy. It's neat looking at four generations all in one room. My Gigi has always been a hands on grandma and I couldn't have asked for a better great grandma for my daughter. I want to write my Gigi a letter soon to express my love and appreciation for her but I need to emotionally prepare for that. It has been a draining couple of days,
just a lot to wrap my mind around.

I am so grateful for the hope and faith that I have. I know that my Gigi is going to heaven and that I WILL see her again, and for that I can find joy. Say a prayer if you think about it tomorrow afternoon when I take my mom and Gigi to the airport.

It's not a moment I am looking forward to.

"The LORD your God is with you,
He is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
He will quiet you with his love,
He will rejoice over you with singing."
Zeph. 3:17

Too much of a good thing?

When I found out we were having a baby girl, a lot of shopping began to take place. In fact, the day after my big ultrasound we headed down to the Woodburn Company Outlets (which are AWESOME) and went on a bit of a shopping spree. I have to admit, Emersyn's MiMi loves to spoil her, along with many of our other loving family members. I remember Brett protesting when the piles of clothes in our guest room bed started to add up but I told him, "you just can't have too many baby clothes, especially for a girl!!!!".

Two years later, I would like to officially retract that statement, ha ha!!!

Last night we went through alllllllll of Emersyn's clothes and sorted them into sizes/seasons and tossed the clothes that were badly stained or just never fit right, etc. I am sooo blessed to have an amazing neighbor that has gifted me with lots of hand me downs, so on top of all the clothes from MiMi, Emersyn had a great collection of hand me down clothes too. As we went through all the clothes, I began to realize that maybe she didn't need 35 dresses for the spring of 2009. Or perhaps, 3 or 4 pairs of shorts might have cut it last summer versus the 15 I felt like I folded and put away last night. If we have another girl, she is going to be set, even if they are born at different times of the year. That is a nice thing about girls, dresses can be worn over jeans, leggings and voila, they become suitable for the season.

I pulled out some of my very favorite items to let my friend Rachelle borrow for her baby girl (who I get to visit tonight!!!!!). I have these adorable newborn boots from Baby Gap, several dresses from Gymboree, and other things as well. I trust Rachelle whole heartedly to take good care of the clothes and totally wouldn't care if something got stained; I know babies spit up and it happens. But I can't wait to squeal in delight when I see Sophia wearing something of Emersyn's. :) Brett went through the clothes with me and it's hard to believe how tiny Emersyn used to be. Wow.

After we finished sealing everything up, I went into Emersyn's room to get her current clothes organized and finally put away the clothes she got for her birthday. (Emersyn was sleeping in a pack and play in the guest room so that we could work in her room). I pulled out a couple bags of clothes from Sherrie that I hadn't gone through in awhile and found a gold mine of stuff, including SHOES!!!!!!!!! I am so happy, I found some Nike's and pink Converse that are size 6 which is the size she is in right now. I am going to take back the $25 Puma's that I got from the Nordstrom sale, score. Yes, the Puma's are adorable but so are the Nike's and Converse. Yay for $25!

I have a couple of friends with baby girls that have hinted about wanting any hand me downs that we have to give away and I would SO love to give away clothes but if we had another girl, then we would be starting all over again. A lot of my friends with older kids have advised me to hang on to what I have at least through another kid. It would be a blessing to already have SO much for another girl and most of it is in great shape too.

As I cleaned up Emersyns' room last night, I became so very aware of the fact that she isn't a baby any more. All of the sudden, her room looks way too baby-ish for her. I really want to update it a little for her to make it more little girl friendly. I want to get a small bookshelf I think for her room and also put up some coat hooks for her purses, coats and hoodies. She is starting to get into jewelry too so I want to get her some more beads and play jewelry. I love my girly girl!!!!

Wee Bit Wednesday

{one} have you ever won a trophy? if yes, for what?
Hmm...the only trophy I can remember winning is for a MS reading competition when I was in 2nd grade. I was a smarty, what can I say?

{two} what was your favorite subject in school?
I liked creative writing and marketing.

{three} what time do you get up in the morning?
Sometime between 7:30 & 8:30 am.

{four} if you could open your own business, what would it be?
Well, real estate is pretty much my own business. But if I was to open a business with a store front I think it would be fun to have a coffee shop with my husband. Or I'd steal Melissa's idea and open a Panera....they really are delicious!

{five} if you could spend the evening with one rock star/band, who would it be?
Hmm....geez. I don't even know. I guess I would have to say Carrie Underwood because Ems is a HUGE fan right now and maybe they could have a dance party together.

{six} what sitcom character reminds you of you?
Hmm, I don't know....I can't think of one!! Do I remind you of anyone?? (If so, she better be cute and funny, just sayin')

{seven} what are the 3 most important things to you?
God, family, friends

{eight} chips or popcorn?
Hmm....I like movie theater popcorn about once a year! I also like PopChips in BBQ flavor....so yummy!

{nine} have you ever ordered anything from an infomercial?
Ha ha, I think so but I can't remember what. I tell ya though, the magic bullet almost gets me every time.

{ten} what is one thing that you are grateful for today?
This verse that I read this morning: 2 Chron. 26:5 "He sought God during the days of Zechariah, who instructed him in the fear of God. As long as he sought the LORD, God gave him success." I love it. Plain and simple.

Wordless Wednesday

Love Languages

My bloggy friend Jess is doing a giveaway for Gary Chapman's book, "The Five Love Languages". You should head over to her blog (after reading this post of course) and enter to win! She's such a sweet mom and has the most adorable little lady, Mia. Love that name, so sassy. :)

Anyways, since she brought up the book, I thought I'd blog about MY love languages and perhaps find out about yours too. :)

First off, if you've never read this book, DO IT! I think it should be required reading before you can get a marriage license. :) Understanding your "love language" is crucial for successful relationships in life, not only in marriage. You gotta understand what makes people feel loved and appreciated.

The five love languages are as follows:

quality time
receiving gifts
acts of service
physical touch
words of affirmation

Before I had Emersyn, I would say that my number one love language was words of affirmation, hands down. Say something nice or complimentary to me and I melt into a puddle of appreciation. :) I had/have this game with Brett where I hold up three fingers randomly and he knows that means he has to give me three compliments. Poor guy, ha ha. He almost always says the same three things too, bless his heart. After seven years of marriage, and eight years together, I have slowly started to modify this love language. I KNOW that Brett loves me, just expressing it into words isn't his thing. Once I also made him play "The ABC's of Affirmation" (feel free to steal the idea ladies, ha!) on a long drive home from Seattle and we each had to name something that we loved about each other from A to Z. As I type this out, I realize what an amazing husband I have for being so willing to go along with my silly needy ways. :)

Now that I have had Emersyn, I think acts of service are my number one love language. I came home a couple months ago and Brett had deep cleaned our bedroom and bathroom and I nearly blacked out from joy. No joke. It was a better gift then any flowers or heck, even jewelry. When Brett does things around the house without being asked, that's what makes me feel loved.

I still love me some words of affirmation though (Brett in case your reading...I haven't given up on you!!!). Physical touch is also important to me, more so now that I have Ems. Funny how motherhood changes you in so many ways.

Brett's love language is quality time for sure. If I sit on the couch, hold his hand, and watch a movie he is a happy camper and feels loved. My tendency is to get up, clean something, read a magazine, get on the laptop, etc. This does not make him feel loved. I have learned this through the years. He is into acts of service too, like I've said before, making his lunch = wife of the year status for that day for sure.

Now that I have Emersyn, I am learning what her love languages are too. She loves one on one attention so my guess would be quality time right now. She loves dancing and is always saying, "watch, watch!!!". She loves to dance on her rocking horse thingy. She goes and gets on it and says, "mommy sit right there" and asks me to watch her dance. She also loves words of affirmation. Whenever she's doing anything silly I say, go Emmy, go Emmy and she just LOVES it. She is her mama's daughter for sure.

What are YOUR love languages? :)

Monday Miscellany

{1} I am SO happy to be done with the weekend. Not because I am anxious to go back to work, but because I came down with that icky stomach bug that Brett had on Thursday night. Ironically, Emersyn started complaining about her tummy hurting that same night. I put Ems to bed and she slept fine. I, however, proceeded to throw up every 30 minutes, NO JOKE. It was the worst night of my life. The next morning Emersyn woke up screaming in pain about her tummy and refusing to walk. After a long call to the advice nurse, Brett took Emersyn to the dr. It turns out her tummy wasn't hurting at all, it was her poor little thighs. She got 4 shots at her 2 year dr. appointment on Thursday morning (bad idea) and they left her legs swollen and sore. I was so glad that it wasn't her tummy though.

{2} I cannot wait for my mom and grandma to get here on Friday!!!!!!!!!!

{3} Emersyn got this snazzy new cart for her birthday and we finally got around to putting it together last night. I surprised her with it this morning. Thank's Caitlin!!

{4} I am in desperate need of a date night with my husband.

{5} I am really excited for Ladies Bible Study to start up again tomorrow at my church. We are doing "Breaking Free" by Beth Moore and it's going to be great!!